The Mass Hacker

Another Day At TPC Boston

2011-09-02T11:31:00.006-04:00

Just like last year, I got my hands on a pair of tickets to the Deutsche Bank Championship Pro-Am, held at TPC Boston. I prefer the Pro-Am to the actual tournament because you can bring a camera, take a ton of pictures, you don't feel like you're missing any action from another spot on the course and the pros are a lot more relaxed. And, as you're going to see in these pictures, if autographs are your thing, they are very easy to get.

We had just gotten to the 10th tee when Nick Watney came up. Frankly, I wasn't expecting him and wasn't ready, which is why you're getting the extreme close-up. We ran into Watney's group throughout the day. Later, one of his amateurs missed hitting me with a drive by about a foot, even though I was well off the fairway. That's the one downside to the pro-am: some of the amateurs are really bad, so you need to pay attention at all times.

After Watney came Vijay Singh.
He doesn't have the friendliest reputation, but as you can see

he was also very willing to sign autographs.

Next came my boy, Hunter Mahan.
Since he is my favorite golfer I didn't even make a comment about the white pants.
Did thank him for the reTweet a couple months back, but I don't think he heard me.

After Mahan was Y.E. Yang.
Check out the guy in the tent: he's holding two extra putters.
I guess Y.E. is still tinkering, but unwilling to try the belly-putter.

Because the amateurs take FOREVER to play, there was a bit of a logjam.
It has to drive the pros crazy.
Worked out well for me, as I got Sergio Garcia and Charl Schwartzel in one picture.

Proving just how long it was taking, Phil Mickelson had teed off before 7 AM,
so I thought there was no way he'd still be around.

It was after noon and he was just finishing.
Also, the dude signs EVERYTHING.

See that cop in the photo?
He was constantly moving, almost always to the direction I was trying to go.
It was like he was messing with me on purpose.
These two pictures of Phil took forever to get, but I am persistent.
Meanwhile, my dad simply walked across the street and is just out of frame.
Moral of the story: getting closer makes pictures easier to take.

Here's Bubba Watson, coming off the 18th green.
We were just a couple of minutes too late to see him tee off,
which is too bad, because I would have loved to see him hit driver on a par-5.
We were late because I was getting a free swing analysis from Golf Town.
Remind me never to make fun of Charles Barkley's swing again.

I'd show the video to you but, like Kim Kardashian and her sex tape,

I'm in the process of making sure all evidence of its
existence is destroyed.

I saw Camilo Villegas at last year's TPC, but wasn't quick enough to snap a picture.
Well, this year I found him up on the practice range. (Told you - persistent.)
He's much easier to get a picture of when he's standing relatively still.

Also on the range were Jonathan Byrd and Stewart Cink.
While neither of these guys are known to be particularly long hitters,
both of them can hit the ball a distance I refer to as "stupid far".

A few feet over was Steve Stricker.
Since he's known as a great putter, I was hoping he'd be on the practice green.
But, he's pretty good with the rest of his clubs.

The next guy I saw was Ricky Barnes. Seriously.

Working in the chipping area was Ian Poulter.
Yeah, he actually stops Tweeting long enough to practice.

I don't know what that thing is that KJ Choi is using,
but I'm getting one as soon as I find out.
As soon as his coach set it up, he never missed.

It was time to head out, but not before we saw Padraig Harrington coming up #9.
He was playing with Chris Berman.

I wonder how many "Back, back, backs" he heard during the round?

The Sympathy Boomerang

2011-08-09T16:57:00.002-04:00

Every time some Hollywood power couple gets divorced, the pop culture watchers are very quick to pick a winner and a loser of the break-up. One person (usually the person who did the dumping) takes on the villain role, while the other becomes the sympathetic figure everyone just wants to console. The world of sports is no different. Every time a coach/manager gets fired or a player gets traded, analysts are on TV painting one side as the bad guy. The only difference is that in Hollywood you can keep that sympathy going for years and parlay it into numerous starring roles even though you have repeatedly proven you can't carry your own movie (hello, Jennifer Aniston), while in sports people are only willing to pity you for so long. The second people think you are starting to pile on the person we already declared the wrong-doer the sports-watching public is only too happy to switch sides. And over the weekend we got a perfect example of this with Tiger Woods ex-caddy, Steve Williams.

When word first broke that Tiger was letting Williams go, everyone was on Steve's side. After all, he had been the one patiently waiting for two years while Tiger tried to get his mind and his game right. During all that time Williams wasn't making any money from caddying, just sitting on the sidelines like a loyal employee. Then he flies all the way from his home in New Zealand to Washington for the U.S. Open, only to find out after he arrived that Tiger wasn't planning to play. Would have been nice to have gotten that phone call earlier. Any reasonable person could understand his desire to find some work that week, if for no other reason than to cover his expenses, so when Williams asked Tiger if he could caddy for Adam Scott and received the all-clear even though Tiger reportedly wasn't happy about it, Woods was the one who came off as a prick. When Williams was officially fired a couple weeks later after 13 years, reportedly because Tiger (or his management team) were mad that Williams wanted to extend his temporary relationship with Scott, everyone rushed to say how poorly Williams, never before considered a warm and fuzzy guy, was being treated. The sports world declared him the winner. Then came this weekend in Akron.

With his new boss having a great final round to win convincingly while Tiger was playing to an inconsistent score of (+1), people were even more on Williams' side. Everyone thought this was karma at its finest. The crowds on the way up to the 18th green were chanting Steve's name. He was even asked to do a post-round interview, which never happens in the world of caddies. And it probably won't ever happen again, because this is where it went wrong. After declaring that this was the best week of his life, Williams added that this was the most satisfying of "his" 145 career victories. He then took the opportunity to mention that he saw flaws in Tiger's game and he was fired over the phone. And cue the sound of a record scratching.

You see, even though people might not like him, Tiger Woods is to golf what the Yankees are to baseball: everything is more interesting when they are playing well. It's been said numerous times, but only because it is true - when it comes to golf ratings Tiger does not move the needle, he is the needle. Focus group studies have shown casual golf fans would rather see Tiger warm up on the range than see anyone else hit a shot during competition. So, even though they may not want to admit it, almost everyone is rooting for Tiger to make a comeback and it wasn't going to take much for people to jump back to his side.

Therefore, it was hardly surprising when people started pointing out that Williams didn't actually do any swinging of any clubs and it felt like this post-round celebration and interview were taking the spotlight away from Adam Scott, who just had one of the biggest victories of his career. Plus, with the shots fired at Tiger it suddenly felt as though Williams was being a little ungrateful. After all, he'd made millions of dollars as Woods' caddy, gaining exposure and his own endorsement deals along the way, something most caddies could only dream of. Besides, caddies get fired all the time - it's part of the job. Hell, Luke Donald fired his caddy after 8 years and that guy also happened to be his brother. Did Williams think he was immune to this? Plus, the "best victory" comment sounded very petty. How could you possibly say that a WGC event was better than a major, let alone 13? Now, Williams was always kind of prickly to the fans, once famously taking a camera and throwing it into a lake, so just like it wasn't going to take much for people to jump back to Tiger's side, it was going to take even less for people to get off the Steve Williams bandwagon.

In the end, much like normal break-ups that don't happen with the world watching, there are no real winners. Everyone just kind of loses equally. Tiger appears to have handled the situation badly and still has swing problems to deal with, while Williams is coming across like a scorned lover who keeps complaining about just how badly they were treated even after we all stopped listening. I just hope that now the first tournament is over we can all just move forward and get back to golf. And I really hope we can do that without any one resorting to anything as awful as "The Bounty Hunter".

Is It Worth It?

2011-07-21T15:46:00.005-04:00

Once upon a time I was dating a nice Jewish girl. Because her religion was very important to her, every year she would ask me to come to her family's Passover Seder. I would go but with a decade of Catholic school under my belt I had no idea what I should be doing at this very important Jewish ceremony. Thus, I was always deathly afraid I was going to mess up horribly and ruin the evening. As such I was never able to relax when I was there. So, when my girlfriend came to me one year and told me I didn't have to go to Seder, I was relieved. I was also single within a month. It is because of this life experience I know the following thing: when people stop caring enough to make you do something you don't want to do, it is never a good thing.

Therefore, when news broke a couple weeks back that Steve Williams was going to caddy for Adam Scott at the U.S. Open, I knew it was only a matter of time before Williams was officially fired by Tiger Woods. You simply don't let employees you value audition for other companies. I know it would have been a dick move for Tiger to deny Williams the opportunity to get some work in and make a little money while caddying for a friend, especially since no one knows when Tiger is going to return to competitive golf, but if he really wanted to keep Williams on that is what he would have done. By allowing him to work for Scott, even if it was only meant to be a temporary position, Woods was telling the world he didn't value Williams as an employee.

Still, let's not cry for Steve Williams, because he's already landed a new job and it's a good one at that: caddying for a young, talent player like Adam Scott is about as soft a landing spot as a caddy could hope for. Adam has already won The Player's, had a good showing at this year's Masters and appears to have the putting issues which have plagued him for years figured out with a switch to a long putter. Steve Williams is going to be just fine. Instead, let's discuss something that has been on my mind since Tiger's bag officially hung out a "Help Wanted" sign yesterday: just how good a job is it to be Tiger's caddy?

On the surface, it appears to be a pretty sweet gig. You can make a lot of money, you get a lot of exposure and if he ever gets his swing corrected, Tiger will make his caddy's job pretty easy. But, if you look closer, it may just be more hassle than it is worth. Let's say Tiger continues to have swing issues: it wouldn't take too long before people in Woods' inner-circle start whispering about it being time to make another change. And since in golf you can only change the caddy or the swing coach, either you or Sean Foley would be going. And, if the way he handled the Steve Williams situation is any indication, Tiger won't be letting you down lightly.

There are other issues that come with working for a guy like Tiger Woods and they go beyond the typical caddy duties. Every caddy is expected to not only pull clubs and know distances, but you're also expected to be half-bodyguard and half-traffic cop. With Tiger those duties are magnified. No matter how he's playing, Woods attracts a large gallery and then expects that gallery to be exceptionally well-behaved. (One of the things I'm really interested to see is how Steve Williams behaves on Scott's bag. Is he still going to be the camera-throwing, in-your-face intimidating figure he has been, or was that a product of working for Woods? Will Tiger's new sidekick be that kind of man, or is he going in a different direction, post-Thanksgiving crash?) If he wants to keep with the tough-guy caddy, that could limit his possibilities.

Lastly, there is the issue of schedule. No one knows when Tiger is coming back from his latest injury. And the main thing I know about caddies is they love to caddy. They want to be out on tour, not sitting at home waiting for a guy to get healthy. And even when Woods does get healthy, there are no indications he plans to add more events to his normal schedule. That means it will be the normal 18-20 events a year, which doesn't make for many opportunities to cash a check. And if Woods is still battling his swing and finishing in the mid-30s every event, those checks aren't going to be that big anyway.

So, with all that in mind, I have to wonder just who wants this bag. For example, let's say you're Joe LaCava. You just took up Dustin Johnson's bag after years of being on Fred Couples' caddy. You've got the pedigree and experience that would appeal to Woods and, since Couples and Woods are friends, I'm sure Tiger will give you a call to gage your interest. Personally, if I were Joe I think I would pass. Dustin might not have Tiger's credentials, but he has contended in majors, has enough star-power to command appearance fees across the globe and plays more than Woods does. You could argue it would be the better long-term job.

I know this much: two years ago just about everyone short of Bones would have dropped their current guy for the chance to caddy for Tiger Woods. Now you have to wonder if any of the players in the Top-10 are even worried about it.

The "Be Ready" Campaign

2011-07-12T15:38:00.003-04:00

Over the past couple of years, I have somehow ended up on the mailing list of roughly 100 golf newsletters. Because of this I am constantly getting bombarded by the newest literature from the PGA Tour, which means this month I have been reminded numerous times that the next time I go to the golf course I should "Play It Forward." You see, golf courses are being hit particularly hard during the bad economy and they are trying all sorts of ways to get people to play more golf. (Well, almost all sorts of ways. The high-end courses are not about to do anything crazy like lower the price of a round of golf. That would be silly.) Anyway, the idea behind the "Play It Forward" campaign is that out of ego and pride, people are playing from tees which are too far back and we would all have more fun (and speed the game up for everyone involved), if players would simply hit from tees which are better suited for their abilities.

First off, this is never going happen. No guy is going to play from what have been known for 300 years as the 'Ladies Tees'. Our egos simply won't allow it. That ship has sailed and as such the idea is a non-starter. Plus, at the end of the day it's one shot. What about the 3, 4 or more shots that follow that tee shot on any given hole? Also not going to fly is the idea that rounds should be shortened to 12 holes. I don't care that Jack Nicklaus is the one who put it out there, it's not going to happen. Besides, I don't think chopping 6 holes off is going to make a big difference, because I don't think the time it takes to play those holes is the problem anyway. Instead, I have my own idea that I want the PGA Tour to get behind which I think is going to help speed up play. It's called "Be Ready When It's Your Damn Turn."

The concept came to me on Saturday when I was playing golf on the Cape. At first I was happy the people ahead of me weren't ready to go when it was their turn because they had a group of four going off and as a single I was going to be waiting behind them all day long. But then one guy from the group was running late and I was able to go off before them, enjoying three holes of waiting-free golf before running into the threesome ahead of me. This was where the "Be Ready" campaign first came into my head.

I like to think I play golf like a normal person: I think about the shot I have to hit while on my way to it, make a decision about what club to use before I even get to my ball and unless something near the ball changes my mind, I swing quickly once I get there. Too often I think people out playing a Saturday round think they are one step away from being on the pro circuit. As such they agonize over every shot like it could be the one that propels them to the Masters, when that is far from the reality of the situation. Let's be honest, when you are 12-over through six holes, does it really matter whether you hit your 5-iron or 6? Just hit it already.

For six holes I had to wait while the woman in the group ahead of me would come out and inspect her lie, then walk off a distance, go back to the cart and choose a club, come out and take a practice swing, walk back to the cart to get a different club, only to chunk her shot 20 yards, walk slowly back to her cart, make sure everything was in its proper place before driving the 60 feet to her ball and then repeating the process. Not surprisingly, my 3-hole buffer from the group behind me was gone by the 7th hole.

Fortunately, that threesome was only playing nine holes. But, lest you think I'm picking on that one group, it also happened later. On one hole I came around the corner to find the twosome in front of me sitting in their cart, just having a chat. Their shots were in the fairway, but they didn't appear to be in any great rush to get to them and were more interested in finishing their discussion first. It was ridiculous.

So, with that in mind, here are the basic principles of the "Be Ready" campaign:
-Pick a club and go with it.
-Pay attention to the group ahead of you and play once they are out of range.
-Remember that the outcome of your game doesn't really matter.
-You are allowed to say "Hold on a second", play your shot, then finish your conversation.
-If you don't want to do these, at least let the people who do play through.

Those principles are what I think is going to help speed up play at the local courses, not playing fewer holes or from closer tees. I think if we all just stopped acting like how we play really matters then we can all relax and have a lot more fun out there. (Oh, and if you wanted to lower the price of 18 holes, that wouldn't be such a bad thing either.)

Now you're in trouble, Tiger

2011-06-20T14:12:00.001-04:00

Despite all the issues that Tiger Woods has gone through over the past three years (the public and simultaneous collapse of his marriage and carefully-crafted image, the constant string of injuries which have led to whispers about possible steroid use, the sudden disappearance of that famed golf game which has led to constant tinkering and switching of coaches, to his precipitous slide down the world golf rankings) I had always stayed on the side which believed Tiger Woods would eventually return to form and wind up breaking Jack Nicklaus' record of 18 Major victories. He was just too good for too long for me to believe it had all gone away. But, in watching Rory McIlroy lap the field en-route to winning his first U.S. Open title by 8 strokes and a record 16-under par, I suddenly find myself wavering in that belief.

The main reason I had held on to my faith in Tiger Woods did not come solely from the man himself, but also from the people he was being asked to contend with on his quest. None of the players who had won major titles during Tiger's three-year drought ever struck me as the kind of dynamic stars who would be able to stand up under the weight of the Tiger Woods mystique once he returned to his dominate form. Surely they were all better golfers than I could ever hope to be on my best day and each was capable of putting a magical run together for one week, but I just didn't see a single person who I though would be able to be paired with Tiger on the last day of a major, stare at him eye-to-eye and come away with a victory. They all struck me as nothing more than seat-fillers. They may get one or two, but no one person was going to stop Tiger in his long-term goal. Rory McIlroy changed that feeling.

The biggest sports discussion in golf when Tiger was laying waste in the mid-2000s was "Tiger or the field"? You always took the field, the odds said you had to, but you never felt entirely comfortable with that bet. What if Woods sank a few putts, got himself into that final pairing and suddenly hit a big shot during that first nine? Whoever was paired with him was surely going to collapse under that pressure and your money was as good as gone. But McIlroy is the first player who gives me a feeling that, if he were in that situation, he would simply look around, give Tiger a grin and say, "Hey, ain't this cool?" After playing most of his career in a world in which he could take off for months at a time, then return to find his throne comfortably waiting for him, suddenly it appears that Tiger might finally have someone vying for that crown.

Working in McIlroy's favor isn't just his age (22), but the fact that he has played the majority of his time on the PGA Tour while Tiger has been trying to work through all his post-Thanksgiving-car-crash issues. Rory has never had to play against Tiger Woods at full strength (and probably never will). As such, McIlroy simply doesn't carry the same scar tissue that the players who spent their prime years getting their collective hearts ripped out by Woods do. Talk of Woods as the ultimate closer are nothing more than words to Rory. You may as well be talking about how Arnold Palmer used to play. Youthful ignorance really is bliss.

Some might say that Rory hasn't really proven he can handle the pressure, as he shot an 80 at Augusta National last month to turn a 4-shot lead into a 10-shot loss and that this one win doesn't erase the previous failure. While that is true, in that way McIlroy's back-nine collapse at this year's Master's was a blessing in disguise. He not only appears to be no worse for wear, but it actually looks as though the experience toughened him up. Watching his round on Sunday there was no look of panic when he made a bogey and he never stopped being aggressive with his shots, as if he wasn't worried about a mistake snowballing into two or three because he knew he would be fine. It honestly appears as though he has taken his Master's disappointment and turned it into motivation to never let it happen again.

Also, the classy way Rory handled losing at Augusta has made him a media darling. Pretty much everyone was openly rooting for him to close the deal on Sunday. Even Tiger Woods, while everyone is willing to admit his greatness, has his detractors in the press. Not this kid. Rory already has a lot of Twitter followers, is well-liked by his fellow pro-golfers and shows a media-savvy that belies his age. That buys you a lot of leeway in the media tent. He can have a bad round and not worry about the 10,000 questions Tiger would get about what's wrong with his game.

Now, don't get it twisted, I'm not saying Rory McIlroy is about to go on a stretch of winning 5 or 6 majors in a row. In fact, I fully expect him to go into a mini-slump as he has to learn to deal with the sudden pressure and fame that goes along with being a Major champion at the ripe old age of 22. But, once he figures that out, watch out. I think until Tiger comes back, and then even when he does, Rory is going to be brought up as one of the favorites for every tournament he enters. It will now be "Tiger, Rory or the field"? Basically, after watching all this potential being realised, I don't think Tiger should count on being able to bank majors into his late-40s like Jack. If Tiger wants to get to the magic number of 19, he'd better get while the getting is good. For the first time ever, I'm not sure he's going be able to.

So Frustrating

2011-04-07T11:56:00.004-04:00

A couple years ago, there was an NFL game between the Bengals and the Eagles that went into overtime and then through almost the entire extra quarter. As a result, it started to get late and CBS was contractually obligated to cut away from that game as the NBC "Sunday Night Game of the Week" broadcast was starting. What we, the viewers, ended up with was a studio show that was half doing highlights while half watching the game that was still going on. They attempted to do some stilted play-by-play, but it led to long pauses when no one was talking because they were distracted by one of the teams driving for the winning field goal and kept waiting for the play top be over before they started talking. In TV silence is not golden, it's annoying. All in all, it was pretty terrible television. Now, imagine that was going on during a playoff game and you understand what is on The Golf Channel right now.

For the past month The Golf Channel has been hyping itself as the home for all your Masters coverage. They've got everything you need to get ready for the first men's major of the season... except the rights to show the actual golf tournament. Therefore, starting this morning they are broadcasting from Augusta National, but not showing any actual golf, just updating various player's scorecards as the rounds move along. It is incredibly annoying to watch.

For example, Retief Goosen began his round with an eagle on #1. This led to a couple of guys going off about how this could jump-start him to an historic round because it was just the fifth eagle on #1 in history. Then they began talking about Goosen's game rounding back into form and what this eagle could mean for him going forward... but they never showed us the damn eagle. It is really frustrating to be watching a visual medium that isn't showing you anything. It would be like a Red Sox broadcast from third base with Tom Caron repeatedly looking over his shoulder, then back to the camera and saying things like, "It's really nice out here. There are some great plays being made... David Ortiz just crushed a monster homerun. Well, let's look an updated boxscore again."

Let me be clear about this: I'm not blaming the Golf Channel - I know how broadcast rights work. ESPN and CBS have the rights and they don't want to share, making me wait until 3 PM to start watching golf that will be over by 6. (Really, you paid all that money for broadcasting rights, so why not broadcast the tournament?) Also, I think the Golf Channel has come a long way with it's programming in the last couple of years and are trying their best. But, if you can't show me the actual golf, then I'd almost rather you forget it. There is a reason pre-game shows stop once the actual games start. At that point I don't want any more analysis, I want to watch the game and if you can't show me the game then you are no good to me. I appreciate the effort, but it's just not enough.

Blaming The Messenger

2011-02-18T15:39:00.000-05:00

On Thursday, Dustin Johnson's caddy, Bobby Brown, mixed up the time his golfer was scheduled to go off in his round. As a result, Johnson was about 40 minutes late and earned a two-stroke penalty. Halfway through the round Golf Channel reported the mix up and Jim Gray went out to get the story from Brown himself. From reports, it sounds as if Brown declined to talk about it with Gray while his golfer's round was still going on but in doing so he held the group up further, angering the other golfers in the threesome. This led to Brown and Gray getting into an expletive-laden shouting match at the conclusion of Dustin's round. Then today it was announced by Golf Channel that Gray would be removed from the rest of this weekend's coverage to avoid any further conflict. Because Gray only works for Golf Channel as a freelancer, it is not known when he might be back on the channel.

The reason Gray getting removed makes me uneasy is because I'm sure that Gray didn't just do this on his own and some producer sent him out there to get the story. In that regard, he was only doing his job. Caddies have a long tradition of shooting the course reporters a look or a hand signal as to what club is going to be used, so clearly there is no rules against them talking and I don't question why Gray would make an attempt to get the full story. Also, I'm sure Brown would have liked to have fully explained himself and what caused the mix-up. The thing is, that can't be conveyed as quickly as telling a reporter your guy is using a 7-iron. Brown can't be expected to conduct a full-scale interviews during a round and Gray should know that. The fact that it went on long enough to hold up the group makes me wonder if Gray was unwilling to take no for an answer. If that is the case then he was obviously in the wrong. Still, I don't think this warranted the Golf Channel removing him from tournament coverage for the weekend.

Working against Gray is his history. Between last summer's "The Decision", the long-standing resentment from some people who believed he ambushed Pete Rose during the announcement of the All-Century team at the 1999 All-Star Game and getting into it with Ryder Cup Captain Corey Pavin (and his wife) about Tiger Woods' role on the team last year, it is safe to say that public sentiment is probably not on his side. People seem to feel like Jim Gray will be relentless in trying to get a story, which can rub some people the wrong way. I'm not a fan of the 'gotcha' style of journalism, but Jim Gray has had a long career, so you can't really fault him for it. Still, this is golf and a certain level of etiquette is expected. I just hope Gray is eventually given a chance to redeem himself.

You Stay Classy, Tiger

2011-02-15T19:00:00.001-05:00

On Sunday in Dubai, as his round was slowly disintegrating, Tiger Woods knelt behind a putt on the 15th green. While trying to figure out the line, Tiger turned his head to the right and fired off a quit spit. Immediately, the announcers went off on him, pointing out that this was both disgusting and disrespectful because there were other people on the course and now they might potentially have to putt through Tiger's spit. (Although, this was Dubai and it was 115 degrees outside. For all we know it evaporated before it hit the green.) Still, the European Tour agreed and fined Woods an undisclosed amount for it the next day, after which Tiger apologized through Twitter. But, because this is Tiger Woods we are talking about, the issue couldn't just be over after that. People have taken to the airwaves and blogs to either condemn Tiger as a petulant brat who doesn't respect the game or defend him as a human being who did absolutely nothing wrong because, hey, everyone spits. As with most things in life, I find myself landing somewhere in the middle.

I'll start off by saying that I am not a spitter. Those who say everyone spits on the golf course have never played a round with me. I have never understood why some people think athletic competition is an excuse to become part-camel. However, I have friends who spit when they golf and I'm not about to end our friendships over a little saliva. My issue is with the location. If you have to spit, you shouldn't be doing it on the green. Aim for the woods or the deep rough. I find it very ironic that Tiger was grouped with Sergio Garcia, who might have conducted the most disgusting act on a golf course when he spit into the cup after he picked up his ball. I think about spitting the same way I think about smoking - I don't care if you do it, but watch where your smoke is blowing. I don't care if you spit, but do it over in an area where a ball shouldn't be landing. As long as your spit isn't going to end up on mine or anyone else's ball then we don't have a problem.

Oh Good, More Rules Talk

2011-01-21T12:57:00.002-05:00

Imagine you're driving down the street when you come to a red light. Needing to take a right turn and not seeing a "No Turn On Red" sign, you turn and continue down the street. A few hours later, safely in your home, you get a phone call from the local police that some anonymous person saw you take the turn and, even though you didn't see it, there actually was a "No Turn" sign at the intersection. Because of that phone call you will be mailed a ticket. That would be crazy, right? Well, that sort of thing has already happened not once, but twice on the the PGA Tour this year.

A couple weeks back Camilo Villegas was playing in Hawaii and hit a particularly poor shot that came up short of the green. The ball began rolling back towards him and, in a moment of frustration, Villegas swung at the chunk of divot he had created. This is a no-no. (It should be noted that the ball did not appear to go through where the divot would have been, but it is still a rules violation anyway.) Unaware of his penalty, Villegas finished his round and signed his scorecard. A couple hours later a former golf reporter sitting in a clubhouse in Florida got a hold of a rules official to let him know about Camilo's faux pas and told them to check the tape. After watching the tape the official decided that it should have been a two-stroke penalty and since it wasn't scored that way on his card, Villegas had signed an incorrect scorecard and thus was disqualified from the tournament.

Fast forward to this morning, when Padraig Harrington was playing in Dubai. While picking up his marker after replacing his golf ball on the green, Harrington brushed against the ball. It rolled forward, but appeared to roll back to its original place. Since it appeared to him that the ball has come back to the right spot, Harrington played the ball as it was. However, someone watching at home noticed on slow motion replay that the ball had not actually rolled all the way back, probably coming one or two dimples short. (Get your hands on a golf ball sometime and check out how small a dimple is. You want to talk about nit-picking.) Again, had it been caught by a rules official in the moment this would just have warranted a penalty and Harrington could have played the next couple of rounds. But, since it wasn't caught until hours later, his scorecard had already been turned in and Harrington was also disqualified.

Now, I'm not complaining about people calling in rules violations, even if I do think these are the same people who used to remind teachers when they hadn't yet handed out that night's homework assignment. Unlike most sports which have refs watching everyone and it's their job, not the players, to let people know when rules are being broken, golf is the only sport in which you are expected to call violations on yourself. It doesn't matter that there are 12,000 rules in golf and half of them are obscure - it is on you to call any violation. I'm also not going to take this time to complain about the unfairness of the way that this only seems to punish the most popular players, because they are on TV more... other than to say if this same thing happened with a guy no one had ever heard of he wouldn't be on TV and no one would have seen it.

Instead, my objection is with the idea of punishing people retroactively. If the PGA is happy to embrace this sort of 'interactive TV' with fans being able to call in rules violations (and since this has happened twice in three weeks it is clear they are), then they either need to speed up the process of getting a rules official to the replay tent or change the rule to let players be assessed the penalty, but not be disqualified. It is stupid to disqualify a player based on a rule from the 1800s. I'm sure the people who came up with the original rules of golf never envisioned how far technology and TV would bring the game. If we went back just ten years, before High Definition televisions became common, then I doubt Harrington's penalty would have even been seen by people watching on TV. Technology should be a factor in today's game.

The bottom line is that these rules aren't written in stone. Just add a provision that should a rules violation be discovered after a round has been completed and no intent to cheat is suspected that the penalty is enforced prior to the next round beginning. Given how sponsor-centric professional golf is today, it would make sense to have adopt a rule which would allow guys who unknowingly commit a penalty to stick around for the weekend. You think people in Dubai are happy that one of the more popular players in the world today is missing three days of their tournament? Of course they aren't. And, ironically, I bet the people watching at home aren't all that happy about it, either.

My Day At TPC Boston

2010-09-04T10:11:00.004-04:00

On Thursday I had the chance to go to TPC Boston and check out the Championship Pro-Am. To be honest, I was probably more interested in simply seeing the course since I had never been there before. Despite temperatures in the 90s, it turned out to be a good day to go because I avoided the hurricane and got to bring a camera onto the grounds. Also, because there were no signs to tell you what the hell it means when they designate something as the "green" lot, I accidentally ended up parking amongst the volunteers for free, so I had that going for me. (Don't worry, they made their money back with $3 waters.) Below you'll see some of the pictures I took as I wandered around the place.

I got there a little later in the afternoon and wasn't sure where they were on the schedule. The first pro I stumbled upon was Anthony Kim coming off the tee at #9, which apparently is next to the surface of the sun. This is what happens when you try and take a picture looking into the sun.

After AK, I started to work my way backwards through the front nine, at which point I found Padraig Harrington playing in his pro-am with Celtics owner Steve Pagliuca (dark green shirt). Frankly, as a huge Celtics fan, I'm not sure who I was more excited to see. Pagliuca had a very nice Celtics golf bag and I was going to ask him where he got it, but then I figured if you own the team you don't have to buy anything with their logo on it. After these guys was Camilo Villegas' group, but I couldn't get a good picture. Don't blame me, the guy is tiny and quick.

Speaking of not being able to get a good picture, the next guy to come along was Rickie Fowler. Now, every time I went to snap a picture of him the amateur's caddy would step into my way. I don't think it was on purpose, but it was certainly annoying. This was the best I could do. I also successfully resisted the urge to tell him to get a haircut.

It was at this point I came across Hunter Mahan on the sixth hole. Since Mahan is my favorite golfer, I followed this group as they finished up their round, which had started on the back. Due to the good vibes I sent him during the pro-am, I take full credit for Mahan shooting -7 the next day.

Once Mahan finished up I decided to check out the front nine. This is the 200 yard marker on #10, which is just off the cart path and behind trees that hide the green. I loved this. I can only assume they put this marker here because a lot of guys had to play from this spot, proving that just because a club is expensive, it doesn't mean the guys who belong are any better at golf than the guys at the muny.

This is the shot over the 12th green looking back at the driving range.
Alright, I'll admit it's a little nicer than the range I go to.

Hey, look, it's Stuart Appleby. Or Robert Allenby. I always get those two confused. (Kidding... It's Appleby, Mr. 59.)

Here's the 16th hole, a par 3 over mostly water. I put the over/under on number of amateurs' balls in the drink at 150. Also, those structures behind the green are temporary luxury boxes. Remind me to get one when the sponsorships for my blogs start to roll in.

Here's the closing 18th and this isn't even from the tips. Remember this view when they say on TV how easy this hole is playing.

After checking out the closing holes I wanted to see the rest of the front nine that I missed. This is the view behind the second green, looking back towards the tee which is hidden behind that tree in the distance. The area in front of the green is all water. Would you like to automatically write down a 7, or do you feel like earning your 9?

I guess my only complaint about the course layout is that in a couple cases there is a lot of distance between the holes. You go from a golf course to Sherwood Forest. This is the road from #3 to #4.

Once you emerge from the forest, you find yourself on the "short" par-4 4th hole. Again, short is a relative term. Everyone goes for the green in one, and no one in the group I saw made it.

Not even Ernie Els who, everyone feels to the need to point out, is really tall for a golfer. However, in my family, he's average.

Now that I had seen the entire course I figured I would check out the driving range to see who was still practicing. Turns out Rory McIlroy was still working, which was cool.

And here are all the equipment trucks next to the range, just in case any of the pros want a new club right away. Not 40 minutes later I saw the TaylorMade truck on the side of the road with its hazard lights on. You can write your own joke for that one.

Overall it was a really fun day and nice to check out a course I had seen on TV. Also, I have a new understanding of why golfers are so aware of noise in the crowds, cause it is silent out there.

New Look, New Format

2010-08-12T14:40:00.001-04:00

Alright, we're mixing things up here on The Mass Hacker.

You may have noticed that I haven't updated this page in a while. Well, first off, it was winter and you can't play much golf in the winter in Massachusetts. Secondly, while I'm still keeping tabs on my quest for golf mediocrity, I've decided to update that offline and release it all at once in some sort of book-form, though the format of that book right now would best be described as 'fluid.'

So, starting now I'm going to make this a more traditional golf news blog, with comments about the latest stuff happening on the PGA, LPGA, Nationwide Tours or any other golf item that becomes newsworthy. Hopefully this format will lend itself to me updating the blog more than 25 times in two years. It could be great, or it could suck. Let's find out together.

The 10 Minute Swing Tune-Up

2010-03-07T17:18:00.000-05:00

This weekend was the Boston Golf Expo over at the Seaport World Trade Center. I've heard about this event for a couple of years, but had never made it over. I finally secured tickets in advance this year and so was commited to going.

The Expo is much like any other trade show, in that it has rows and rows of booths from various companies. There were sections for country clubs, travel deals for various locations and deals on all kinds of golf equipment from balls to complete iron sets. There were also areas to try new equipment from just about every manufacturer around. Now, I just got a new driver and bag, so I wasn't really in a shopping frame of mind. I did enter to win a couple different golf trips, but all I think happened was I put myself onto a lot of mailing lists.

For me the best part of the Expo was an area where, for $10, you could have a 10-minute swing tune-up from a PGA-certified professional teacher. I figured this wouldn't go against my "no lesson" philosophy and was anxious to just have a professional give my swing a once over. I've always believed that it's not practice that makes perfect, it's perfect practice that makes perfect. If you're doing something wrong, then doing it wrong 1,000 times doesn't make you any better. Basically, all I wanted to know was if I was way off or on the right track.

My instructor was Paul, the club pro at Fall River Country Club. This guy was awesome. We didn't just get right into watching me hit balls into a net, but he asked about what kinds of clubs I used, how long I'd been playing, things that I had been having issues with and what my golf goals were. Then we got into to breaking down my club address and grip. He said my grip was good, but I might be squeezing the club too hard, which was causing my accuracy problems. But my posture wasn't bad, my swing plane was good and my swing overall was pretty good for my level of golf. He gave me a couple things he wanted me to work on (being over the ball more and my balance pre-swing), but I walked away feeling much better about where I am in my development. Overall it was an extremely positive experience and I can't wait to get back to the range.

Illegal, But Awesome

2009-12-26T16:26:00.002-05:00

I asked for a lot of golf equipment for Christmas this year and chief among the requested was a new driver. Now, I'm still not to the point of my golf obsession that I can justify spending $300 for a driver, so when I found a one online that was not only inexpensive, but also perfect for me I was very excited for Christmas morning.

The driver is from Nextt, was only $44 (plus shipping) and it's called the "Green Monster" (perfect for me, no?). Now, it has a 520 cc head which is so large that it is actually considered illegal. But, I'm sure that means for tournament play and it's not like I'm going to be entering into any tournaments any time soon, so what do I care? It's like the new groove rules. Change them all you want, I'm not going to be a PGA Pro. The head is huge though. It looks like a cantaloupe on the end of a toothpick.

The face is also monstrous, with a huge sweet spot and designed to give me even more power off the tee. Now, I took it to the driving range today and unfortunately discovered that even with the new, large, illegal driver and a month off to refine my mechanics, I still had the same swing. The only difference is that my shots are no longer gentle fades to the right, they are rockets in that direction. Good thing I was in the last stall or I could have killed somebody.

Also, I got a new, large head cover so even if it is illegal for me to use this driver, no one will be able to see it under the Fighting Irish head cover. This thing is the size of a muppet.

I Love This One

2009-12-17T13:50:00.001-05:00

Normally, I have a sort of take-it-or-leave it attitude towards the "This is SportCenter" ads. They're funny for a viewing or two, but that's enough for me. Not this one, I can't watch it enough.

It's brilliance is it's simplicity.

I like to imagine that this is really how the cafeteria is at ESPN, even though I know that isn't the case. Also, if you've never had an Arnold Palmer you should try one, cause they aren't bad (add a little Absolut Citron to make it a John Daly).

One For The Road

2009-10-21T15:49:00.001-04:00

As the golf season creeps into the late fall, I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to hit the links again before the window closed, the calendar switched to '10 and the ground thawed a little. With that in mind, I wanted to get one last round in before winter came calling, so I was determined to get out and play one more time before I cleaned the clubs and packed them up for the winter. Given the way that I played last time I was there, I headed back to Willowdale, because I wanted to see if I could shatter my personal best round of 49 on the course. I was convinced that I could go lower if I concentrated. I had a score of 45 in my mind.

It had rained for much of the day before, so the greens were extremely slow. You would assume that I would have taken that into account before I headed out for the morning, but as I was forced to three putt on the first two holes because I was way off with the speed it was clear that I am a slow learner. Also, my slice was in full effect, as a tree was the only thing that prevented my drive off of the fifth tee from landing in the fourth fairway. Overall, it was not the best round for me as those wet greens slowed me down considerably. I was forced to repeatedly three-putt time after time as I couldn't figure out the speeds. I ended up with a 52 for the day, though I could at least take some consolation in the fact that my tee to green play was better than at the start of the season.

So, the end of my second season of golf did not end on the high note that I expected, but I am light-years ahead of where I was at this time last year. I still need to invest in a new driver, but I feel like an entire new set of clubs would be overkill. I think the best thing is to stick with my current clubs and work on swinging more consistently. Either way I think a little time away from my slice would be very good for me mentally. Unless I can book a trip to a warmer climate for some golf, in which case forget rest, get me a tee time.

I Saw That Going Different In My Head

2009-10-02T15:57:00.003-04:00

Ever since I started playing golf last summer, I've been trying to get my dad to hit the links with me. He used to play, but hadn't picked up his clubs in years. On top of that, last December he had knee replacement surgery and he's still a little iffy on his other knee. So, he was reluctant to commit to the full swing over that many holes. I got him to go to the range a couple weeks ago and he was able to swing without pain, so I finally badgered him enough to go to Lost Brook, which is the closest course, and play a half-round. What I didn't see happening was that my father is a damn good putter.

We got a cart and headed out. While my dad might have had some reservations about the full swing he would need to get from tee to green, once he was on the putting surface he was killing me. I'm three putting from 10 feet, he's nailing 25 footers. Also, as it turns out his knee was also a bit of an advantage. Because he was hesitant to put a full-body swing behind his drives he swung with little-to-no movement below the waist. The result was less power, but more accuracy. So while he may have only been hitting it 140 yards and I may have been hitting it 160 yards, he was in the fairway while I was in the woods. I knew he was having a good time (winning will do that) because as we were on the 16th tee my dad said, "Wait, we only have three holes left? This round is flying by."

I'm not going to pretend that this was a duel on par with Watson vs. Nicklaus from Turnberry, but it was close. In the end my erratic driving and sub-par putting was not enough to save me and my dad ended his 20-year golf retirement with a 49-52 victory. Beaten by a guy who hadn't swung a club in two decades... yeah, that should to wonders for my ego.

Speed Golf

2009-09-18T14:13:00.004-04:00

Last offseason I discovered winter golf and enjoyed it (still wouldn't use 'lift, clean and place' though). One of the places that I gave it a try was Little Harbor in Wareham. I really enjoyed the course and found it an easy walk so I wanted to try it once the weather turned nice. However, I still would rather play by myself than with a group of strangers and Cape Cod in the summer is not really condusive to pulling that off. Instead, I waited until the season was winding down to make my way back down to Wareham to give Little Harbor another shot.

Back in the winter I played the whole course except the 11th hole, which at the time was unplayable due to excessive ice (just one of the hazards of winter golf in New England). Since I only had time for 9 holes I wanted to make sure it I got the chance to try the only hole that had eluded me over the winter. I timed it perfectly as the local golf league was teeing off from the first hole and so I had the back 9 mostly to myself. The only people I had to worry about was a twosome of guys in a cart who arrived at the 10th hole at the same time as I did. But, they wanted to take a small break and after speeding my way through the first couple holes I had some breathing room and I was able to leisurely play the final 5 holes.

Again, I played ok, but not great. It seems I've had a good run of avoiding rediculously bad holes, not having to put down a snowman or worse. But the best part was that I cruised through the course - there was no hunting for balls or spending 20 minutes hacking my way down a fairway.

Adapting

2009-09-10T16:41:00.004-04:00

There is a scene from the otherwise forgettable and disappointing Caddyshack 2 that has stuck with me. As Jackie Mason gets up to tee off in the climactic match, his playing partner turns him 90 degrees from the green and advises him to just try swinging in this direction because he owns, "the worst slice in the history of golf." This was my attitude today.

My slice is getting more pronounced, but I'm taking it as a compliment. Rather than it appearing on occasional shots, it has begun to appear on every shot, which I like - it means I'm getting more consistent with my swing. If it was still just showing up on occasion it would mean that I'm all over the place with my swing. Since it's there on every swing it means that I'm doing something wrong - but at least I'm doing it on every shot. I'm consistent; I take that as progress. So, rather than having to figure out the 15 things that are wrong with my swing, now I just have to figure out the one aspect that is making me slice. The thing about it is that it will take a while to fix the kink in my swing and out on the course is not a place you can experiment (the groups behind you tend to frown upon that kind of stuff). In the meantime, I've taken the Caddyshack method: if your slice is making the ball go right, aim more to the left.

This worked out to great success on the 14th hole, which is the signature hole of the course I played today as I returned for another shot at the back 9 on Lost Brook Golf Club. With the pin placed on the front right of the hole I decided to aim for the back left of the green, hoping that the ball would at least clear the water and stick on the green, giving me the chance to two-putt for a par. Well, it worked out even better as my slice was in full effect. The ball landed dead center of the green and continued rolling to the right and downhill, stopping 5 feet from the pin. Now, I've hit shots that have looked better and I've hit shots that have ended up closer to the pin but I've never hit a shot that was so good looking and close. I even made the putt for the birdie 2.

That was the capper, but the whole round was really good for me. I avoided any really disastrous holes and only carded one 7, which came because I had some issues with chipping near the green. I even had a shot from a greenside sandtrap that landed within 2 feet of the pin. For the day I managed to scratch my way to a 43, which is not that great considering the par was 27, but was 10 shots better than my last attempt at Lost Brook and also under the par for the entire course, which is not always the case.

An Expensive Afternoon

2009-09-04T15:21:00.003-04:00

A couple weeks ago my golfing buddy Josh had a birthday and celebrated the passing of the event by going on a bit of a golf equipment-buying binge. He bought himself a new set of Nike irons, a new bag and a few sleeves of brand-new golf balls. He was eager to try the new equipment out on the course and so we set up a tee time for Friday. To be honest, I'm a little Willowdale'd out after playing it so often this summer and we wanted to try a place neither of us had been to before, but was not just par 3s. We landed on Sassamon Trace in Natick.

Owned by the town of Natick, Sassamon Trace is a testament to the benefits of recycling. The first three and the closing hole are built on what used to be a landfill, while holes 4-8 are in what used to be an orchard. The result is that you feel as though you're playing two different courses, because the holes are vastly different. The holes that are on what used to be the landfill are links-style with no trees or water hazards, but very thick vescue. After you go down a large hill following the 3rd hole you go across a bridge and are met with a more traditional style of course, which has tree-lined fairways and ponds to navigate your way around.

We had a brief wait before we teed off and during the wait the starter, Bob, gave us the rundown of the place. The one thing he stressed the most was that you really wanted - or more accurately, needed - to stay left. So, of course my slice came into play immediately on the second hole as my ball faded to the right. I was lucky enough to have it stop a foot from the rough, but my second shot attempt took a hard right turn and was never heard from again. This was the start of trend for me. Here's a tip: if you have a bad slice to the right, don't play a place that recommends you stay to the left.

If you've read this space before you know I hate losing golf balls and breaking tees. I feel like if it hit it well then I should be fine and if I'm losing golf balls it means I'm not hitting it well. Still, I've never lost more than 2 balls on any given afternoon. Even if it takes me a while I will find my ball and play the shot as best I can. Well, this afternoon I lost 6 balls in 9 holes. It was an unprecedented streak for me. Bob wasn't kidding, if you hit the ball more than two feet into the rough then that ball is gone for good. I was at least comforted by the knowledge that Josh and his brand new equipment didn't beat me too badly. I was actually winning after the first 4 holes, but Josh turned it on during the final 5 to beat me by 5 strokes. It might not be essential for me to get new irons.

You Can't Both Be Up...

2009-08-08T17:42:00.004-04:00

This week was particularly golf-filled for me. On Monday I played with my uncle and his friend at Willowdale once again. I played better than the first time we went there, shooting a 52, but still not up to my standards of what I want to accomplish. On Thursday I convinced my father and his reconstructed knee to go hit a bucket of balls at the Norwood Country club. I hit some long and straight, while my father discovered the joy that is a hybrid club. So when Josh called me about hitting Willowdale again on Saturday, I was convinced that I was in good shape. Josh hadn't played in over a month, so I was confident I would crush him. Turns out, that was not the case.

I learned two things on the course today:
1) a layoff isn't the worst thing in the world.
2) there is only so much luck to be spread around on a golf course.

I went in determined to score better than Monday and to improve on my all-time low of 49. Josh couldn't even remember what he shot last time out and just wanted to play well. So, when he got a 6 on the second hole, he was just happy that he drained a 20-foot putt to do so. I, on the other hand, was pissed with a 5 on the third hole because my initial drive had put me in good scoring position.

The perfect example of what kind of day it was came on hole #6. Josh got dead-center contact with his hybrid club and launched his drive over the green, almost into the tree line (thats what happens with us - we have no idea how far each club could go if we ever hit it well). I topped my first, but managed to get to the green in two. Josh's first chip attempt didn't make it up the hill and his second still left him in the second cut. As he tried his fourth shot I was lined up behind my ball 30 feet away and said, "Just chip this in and don't worry about putting." I always say this. Only this time, Josh clanked it off the pin and in. Meanwhile, I putted to within 3 feet... and lipped out the next putt. On the green in two and I still lost the hole.

The point is, sometimes you just need luck. I lipped out and skimmed the edge on more putts than I could even count on this round, while Josh is chipping in from off the green and draining 25 foot putts. Clearly, you can't have two people in one group playing the round of their lives - there is only so much good karma to go around.

Tempting Fate

2009-07-15T14:33:00.003-04:00

I should have known better. Once I achieved my goal of 49 at Willowdale, I should have known not to go back to try and top it. But, it was so nice outside that when my uncle called and asked me if I wanted to play 9 this morning I figured I would be able to go even lower. I was wrong. I ended up played about as bad as I've played there in a while, shooting a 59. I topped everything, got no height on any of my drives, sprayed all my shot to the left and right and generally made a mess of the course. You know you're playing badly when, by the 7th hole, both of your playing partners are listing all the places they can think of where you could get lessons.

I only had one shot of note, a beautiful pitch from about 50 feet off the green on #9. It looked nice, rolled perfectly before it grazed the edge of the cup. One rotation to the right it would have been in. You know it's been a bad day of golf when a shot that rolls 5 feet past the cup is the most memorable of the day.

Final Score: 59
Self Analysis: The thing I need to work on most would be consistent ball striking. One minute my 7 iron is good from 120 yards, the next it won't carry me 50. Not having any idea how far I'm hitting one club versus another is leading to not having confidence in any of them.

Resolutions Accomplished

2009-07-06T17:12:00.001-04:00

Going into the year, I had set two golf-related resolutions: break 50 at Willowdale and break 115 at Chemewa. Turns out that I broke 115 rather easily on my first time playing there this season. Breaking 50 however, was turning out to be a harder feat. I had hit 50 on the nose twice already this season, but I could not seem to break through and save that one stroke anywhere. I didn't get many chances in June, because it rained for something like 21 out of the 31 days last month. But so far July has started off with beautiful weather so I got another shot at the 49 again today. Fifth times the charm!

Both of the times that I finished with 50 I carded 13's for the last three holes. I was confident I could do that again if I needed to, but for me to end on 49 I would need to finish the first 6 holes with a 36. That's what I had been having issues with. I started out nicely scoring a pair of sixes followed by a 5. In my mind that left me shot to play with as I got to hole #4.

I'd like to take a second to talk an issue of etiquette on the golf course - specifically on your average course full of hackers. You're going to hit it into the wrong fairway - it'll happen. But when you do, take your time to select your club before venturing into the other fairway to hit. Really, it's kind of a moment of shame, you shouldn't bask in it. Don't wander in... then select your club... then rethink your selection and then hit. I must have been standing on the tee for 15 minutes while the group coming up #5 repeatedly hit into the wrong fairway and then took their time getting out of the way.

#4 After waiting to hit I pulled driver, which I'm back to hitting like crap. My drive went right and landed in a clump of trees. Left with about 140 yards to the pin I decided to use my rescue club and see if I could use the extra power to get out of the trees. My shot went right into a tree and instead of going left or right, as you would expect, it instead went straight up in the air and came straight back down, before hitting a root at the bottom of the tree and bouncing left. I couldn't do that again if you paid me. I only gained about 10 yards from that little adventure, and needed to pitch out just to be in the first cut off the fairway. I decided that since I was back to normal rough I would club down and used my 5 iron, which I hit well, for all the good it does me. My shot was damn-near perfect; starting left and hooking back towards the green like it was on purpose. I couldn't quite get there, but I was just off the green to the left. I tried to pitch it in for my 5, but came up woefully shot. From there I two putted for a 7. So much for having a shot to play with.

#5 I arrived at the extended water hole and again needed to try my luck with my driver. I just didn't think I could make it over the water with anything else. Turns out it didn't really matter as my drive was a foot off the ground (straight, though) and landed in the tall grass just in front of the water hazard. A hack to get it out of the tall stuff and I was safe, but to the left of the water with another 150 yards to the green. I fired my next shot up the right side of the fairway, but my subsequent chip attempt took a hard right turn on me and I found myself into the trees that lined the fairway. I couldn't fire my way through the trees and was forced to chip again just to get to the back of the green. I needed to drain a 15 foot putt just to save a 7, but couldn't even do that. I tapped in for the snowman. Now I really had no wiggle room.

After a hope-saving 5 on the sixth hole, I had carded a 37 through 6 holes. As I made my way across the street to #7 I, again, would need a 12 on the final 3 holes to break 50.

#7 I was full of confidence on this short, 88 yard par 3. At least, I was until my pitching wedge caught the ball low and sent it rocketing into the sand trap that protected the front of the green. I was even less confident as my wedge attempt sent the ball into the high side of the bunker and my ball caromed up and landed behind me. Determined to pull this off, however, I dug my feet into the ground and got behind the ball, blasting it out of the sand and to within 4 feet of the cup. That almost looked on purpose. I tapped in for a 4 that kept my hope alive.

I managed to score another 4 on the 8th hole and I was back where I had been twice already: I need a 4 for the 49, 5 would get me yet another 50.

#9 My first drive with a 3 wood (I had again given up on my driver) was a low rocket that landed short and off to the right. I may as well have gone with my driver. The only saving grace was that it was almost in the same spot that I landed in last time I played this hole, so I knew to club down lower than I though. Only I was still afraid that I was still going to fly it over the green and didn't put my full power behind the club. The resulting shot was therefore low and short of the green. I choked up on my pitching wedge and went sky high with the shot, landing about 12 feet from the cup. Etiquette be damned, I spent 5 minutes sizing up this putt. I must have looked it over from every angle - people spend less time looking at putts in Majors. I set my feet, steadied myself... and drained the putt right in the center of the cup. I'm sure the people back on the tee had no idea why I was so excited at the bogey, but it was the total score that had me pumped.

Final Score: 49
Self Analysis: Breaking 50 on a course with a par of 30 isn't all that impressive, but considering I was shooting into the 60's here at this time last year it shows improvement. And, really, that's all I want. If I hadn't butchered 4 and 5 then my score could have been even better. I still need to work on club selection and if I could be more consistent off the tee then an even lower score is in the works. Just to know that I can break 50 at Willowdale is a nice feeling.

Trying for 49... Again

2009-06-18T15:14:00.000-04:00

The weather around here has been unbelievably rainy. It rained for most of last week and half of this week. Yesterday was it was finally sunny, but I figured the courses around here could use the day to dry out. It's supposed to start raining again this afternoon and once it does it may not stop until July (That's not a joke, either. The 10-day forecast calls for rain everyday). Plus, Verizon was being screwy and my cable was on the fritz so I couldn't watch the US Open. I figured if I couldn't watch golf than I had better play some golf while I can. After debating Willowdale or Lost Brook, I went with Willowdale, cause the fact that I still haven't scored below a 50 there continues to bother the hell out of me.

As I was heading down the road the course is on, there didn't appear to be anyone else playing, which I was happy about. I was in a race against the rain and I just wanted to play a quick nine. With no one in my way I could get that done faster... or so I thought. As I was pulling in a threesome was on the first tee. I went in, paid, got my clubs and the assorted other things I needed all set (extra ball, marker, tees, scorecard - I hate having to pause to get this stuff later), only to find the threesome still on the tee. This wasn't a good sign. They took forever to get going because they needed to figure out what to do with their jackets... and their coffee... and who goes first. I almost started with #7, but instead just waited it out.

#1 After a long pause to give the group ahead of me time to get off the hole completely, my initial drive was high... and short. Also, to the right and off the fairway. I'm going to blame the long wait for that one. I pulled out my rescue club and fired towards the hole, watching helplessly as my shot faded to the left and under a tree. I figured I was clear of any low-hanging branches, but on my next shot I heard the familiar sound that a golf ball makes when it hits leaves. I lost the ball on contact, but figured it couldn't have gone too far if it hit a branch. Turns out I had way too much club as, out of the corner of my eye, I saw my ball land over the green. Any visions of a bogey that I had in my head quickly vanished as my pitch shot went over and across the green to the other side. Another chip got me on the dance floor, when I noticed my other problem: sand on the putting surface. This is what happens when you play golf on weekday mornings. It's a low-traffic time, so while you get the course almost to yourself, you also have to deal with the grounds crew doing maintenance to the course. The sand slowed my putt to a crawl and I two-putted for a 7. My quest was not off to a great start.

#5 After carding sixes on holes 2, 3 and 4 I came to a hole I repeatedly have trouble with. I was not helped by the fact that the tee boxes had been moved back so the hole was playing even longer. Before you had 30 yards of fairway and 50 yards of pond to contend with. Now it was playing more like 50 yards to the pond. That's a lot of distance to carry for someone who doesn't get the ball in the air, like myself. I hit a laser off the tee and it looked as if it wouldn't have enough distance, as my ball came down at the back of the pond, but it hit a rock. It then took a hard left turn, went into some trees, off a branch and squirted back about 5 more yards. Playing from just off the #6 fairway I couldn't fire my way through the forest and ended up landing just at the edge of the fairway, next to some bushes. This prevented me from really being able to follow through on my next swing, so I landed right in the middle of the fairway, but not much closer to the hole. I topped my first chip attempt, but my second was perfect, landing 5 feet in front of the flag and rolling to within 8 inches. I tapped in for another 6, but at least this one felt like a victory.

After yet another 6 on hole #6, I needed to finished the last three holes in 12 to hit my goal of 49. I was able to get a 4 on the short, 88 yard #7 but the longer finishing holes would be a little tougher.

#8 I finally... FINALLY hit a good drive off the tee. Really, my best of the day and it still wasn't all that good. It hooked at the end to leave me 10 yards off to right of the green. My pitch would have been perfect if it had been straight. I would have landed it just where I wanted it, but instead I was about 8 feet left of the hole and in the first cut. With a 4 a real possibility I didn't risk chipping it and instead putted through 4 feet of the first cut and to within 18 inches of the cup. I tapped in to take my four, which was all I wanted. Sitting on a 45 I need one more four to complete my goal which hadn't seemed possible just a couple holes ago.

#9 I got too under my tee shot and it only went about 80 yards to the right. But, I had a clean look at the green from 100 yards. Here's where not spending enough time at the range hurt. I went with an 8 iron when I should have gone with a 9. My ball landed on the back of the green, but didn't stick, bounced off and into the rough. This would be a tough up and down. I chipped onto the fringe, but had 2 feet just to get onto the green, where I had another 20 feet to the hole. I would have to be damn lucky to get my 49 now. I tried putting through it but the longer cut and wet greens slowed me down to the point I was 5 feet short. I was just happy I sank the ensuing putt and able to card a 5.

Final Score: 50
Self Analysis: Again, I missed my goal by one stroke, but since that wasn't really in doubt after my third shot on #9, I can't be too upset about it. I'm getting to the point where I'm cutting down on my miss hits and hiccup shots. Also, my putting was solid today, as I never had to more than two-putt. My approach shots were the issue today, as I can't seem to get consistent enough contact to figure out which club to use at certain distances. The club selection process is pretty much a guess for me right now.

Driving Range Shenanigans

2009-06-07T10:32:00.001-04:00

The whole point of the driving range is that it's a place where you can work on things. It's the time when a new golfer can work on their swing and use some serious swings experimenting with grip and mechanics until they feel like their swing is working just right. And, once that swing feels right, they can keep at it until the swing becomes natural enough that they will repeat it all the time. After all, inconsistency is the mark of someone new to the sport. At least, that's what can happen if you don't go to the range with me and my friends, when the only thing you're going to learn are new ways to make fun of each other.

Yesterday I got a call from Josh and we met up with each other at McGolf in Dedham to hit a couple of buckets of balls. I actually made some solid contact with my driver and don't hate it today nearly as much as I did Friday. Also, I was hitting my hybrid well, which almost never happens. Of course my 3 wood, which is usually old reliable, was the club I couldn't get consistent contact with. It's always something. I'm still finding that my biggest problem is that I hit every club the exact same length. I could pull driver, I could pull 9 iron - it's going the same damn distance. Honestly, next time I play I think I'm going to bring my 7 iron, a pitching wedge and a putter and that'll be it. My results will be the same and at least my back will thank me for not having to carry so many clubs. Also, I'm still getting under the ball too much in some instances, as I hit what would be perfect pitching shots... with my driver.

But, as is often the case, the real fun of the driving range was people watching. As you can imagine, on a picture-perfect Saturday in Massachusetts, the range was packed. Strangely enough, the only place we could find bays next to each other was under the covered bays. The guy next to Josh was a serious hitter. As we were off to one side, we were practically aiming at the mini-golf course. This guy was launching shots into the netting, which had to be 200+ yards away. And not bouncing into the netting - hitting high into the nets. We all get it, chief - you're a big hitter. Maybe you should switch to an iron before you kill someone. There were also the requisite number of men who had dragged their girlfriends along; most of whom looked liked they would rather get waxed below the belt than hit a bucket of golf balls. Lots of kids, too, which speaks well to the growth of golf in the future, as long as those parents don't try and force the game on their kids. But man or woman, young or old, we all had one thing that brought us together - we all tried really hard to hit the truck that was going along collecting the balls. Nothing turns people into idiots faster than the opportunity to hit a car with a golf ball and there be no repercussions.

The real interesting character was the guy who started hitting the bay that Josh was using when Josh went to buy a second bucket. I told him the bay was taken, but he pretended not to hear me. I wasn't sure of etiquette in this situation, but I hate it when people pretend they can't hear me when I know they can. And since I already had a weapon in my hand, many options flashed in my brain. Instead I opted to let Josh take my bay and I waited until the guy on the other side of me finished his last 15 shots. I'm a peacemaker that way.

Lost Brook (The Back 9)

2009-05-19T18:33:00.001-04:00

As you can see from the lack of updates to this site, I haven't had a chance to go golfing in a while. Hey, it happens. Plans to go play 9 and then have some beers turn into only having the beers. Also, it's been raining a lot in Massachusetts this spring. Great for my lawn, not for my golf game. Now, in the interest of full disclosure I did play 18 at Willowdale at the end of April with Josh and his friend Adam. But, how many times do you want to read about me hacking away around the same 9 holes? Plus, to be honest, nothing exciting happened. I played ok, not great - not worth writing about. Still, I hadn't been golfing in almost 3 weeks before I had a chance to get out there again.

Lost Brook golf course is extremely close to my house. It's about 2.5 miles door to door, so it's a little surprising to me how long I have managed to avoid playing there. It was the last place that I played before my self-imposed hiatus from golf, so I hadn't played the course in almost 9 years. However, I was greeted with a gorgeous day so I felt the need to get out there and swing again. The course itself is short, nothing but par 3's, but it makes up for not having much length by having narrow fairways and extremely deep rough. It's not an easy place to play by any stretch of the imagination.

Again, to keep this shorter, you're only getting the highlight of the round.

#10 As a player who prides himself on being able to make it through a round without losing a lot of golf balls or tees, I was dismayed when my first swing snapped the tee and caught the ball at a weird angle, causing it to shoot into a bog just off the tee. One swing, one snapped tee, one lost ball. Not the start I was hoping for. After re-teeing the ball I reverted back to my old problems and topped my next couple of shots. It took me several attempts more than it should have to make it down the fairway. Eventually I got on the green, where the previous days worth of rain slowed me down and required a 3-putt for a very annoying 7.

#14 Despite my time away from this course, I remembered this hole. There is no place to come up short with a large pond guarding the front. There is some green to work with if you miss to the left, but short or right and you'll be into the water. Also, once you're on the green it slopes back down towards the water, so you need to miss high. With no one else on the back 9 I had decided that if I hit it into the water I would take a couple of swings at the green before taking my drop. Turns out that wouldn't be necessary because, like most inexperience golfers facing a large hazard, I went way over with my club. My ball lazered over the pond, caught the back of the green and bounced into the woods. I don't mess with poison ivy, so I only gave a cursory search for my ball before taking a drop and chipping up over a mound onto the green. I thought I was going to get a lot of roll, but it wasn't nearly as fast as I was afraid of, so it took me two putts to get to hole level, where I tapped in for a 5.

#15 Again, I made solid contact off the tee, but watched my ball fade at the end and come off the green to the right. Had it been straight I would have been thrilled with the distance. Instead I had to chip up and on the green. I pulled a Josh and could only watch helplessly as my ball went up and rolled straight off the green to the other side. Another chip stuck on the green, but still left me with 24 feet to the hole. I thought I had nailed the putt, only to watch it catch the cup and spin out, seemingly picking up momentum to leave me with a 4 footer. Which, of course, I missed for a 6.

At least when I came down #16 I was reunited with my ball from #14. Turns out the reason I couldn't find it before was that it had gone through the woods and landed by the #16 green. Told you I had way too much club.

#18 With a green guarded by 3 large bunkers and my sand play being what it is, I was determined to avoid them. My first shot was short and too the right. I was 20 yards from the green, but it very deep rough. I decided to just get out of the jungle and back onto the fairway. I managed to land directly into the center and chip onto the green, avoiding all the sand (I was as stunned as you are). I came up just short on my 18 foot putt, but tapped in for a 5. That was about as well as I could have played that hole. Where was that the first 8 holes of the day?

Final Score: 55
Self-Analysis: I can blame my slow start on the fact that I hadn't played in three weeks, but that doesn't excuse my really bad putting. I thinking too much about shooting past the cup and instead I'm continually coming up short. I think I would be better off being long versus short every time.

Going Back to Chemawa

2009-04-20T17:21:00.001-04:00

Other than Willowdale, I played Chemawa Golf Course in North Attleboro the most last season. It is conveniently located about halfway between Norwood and Providence, so it's a good place to play. Also, they keep the course in amazing shape. Normally you only get what you pay for, but for the price here the course is better than you expect. Not overly long with moderately wide fairways, it's a good course for people who aren't big hitters or lack accuracy. In other words, it's right up my alley.

If you show up on any golf course in America on a Saturday with only two people, you should expect to be paired up with a couple strangers. This Saturday was no exception as Josh and I were paired with a couple of law students for the first 9 holes. Normally I hate being paired with strangers, cause you never know who you're about to be playing with. As I've said in this space before, you should stick to playing with people on equal footing. Turns out one of them hadn't played in a couple of years, while the other was new to the game. After their first shots went well right and barely past the red tees I was feeling much better about the rest of the round. It's a weird feeling to know that you're not very good at something, yet somehow still one of the best in your group.

In an attempt to keep this post at less than 10,000 words, I will not tell you about all 18 holes. Instead, I'll just hit the interesting ones.

#2 Again, I'm not taking my driver out of the bag. It will be replaced just as soon as possible. Instead I went with 3 wood and got solid contact down the fairway. I ended up about a hundred yards short of the hole, but my approach shot faded at the end and left me off to the right of the green. I had visions of a par in my head, but took my eyes off the ball and topped my chip attempt. My second try got me on the green with a 10 footer for a bogey. Keeping in mind my time at Willowdale earlier this week I took the time to mark and realign my ball. Getting good contact I one-putted for the second hole in a row to save a 5.

#3 I teed the ball up too high and thus was greeted with a towering drive then went farther up than forward. I still had the best drive of the group as the rest of my foursome all landed multiple drives into the out-of-bounds woods on the right. My second shot travelled up the right side of the fairway, but stayed in bounds as I played follow the bouncing ball. It hit cart path for a couple bounces before going up onto a rock formation, against the fence, back on the formation for a couple more hops and then settled into a crack. I took some relief to the grass, but it was short lived as my third again faded right and took a couple more hops on the cart path. I needed two chips just to get over the path and back onto the green. From there I had a 30-footer and I read the break correctly but I needed a little less speed as my ball died just past the cup. I tapped in for an adventurous 7.

#5 This time the cart path was my friend. My drive went left for a change and hit the path, where it just kept going. It travelled down the cart path until the path ended, and even then I got another 10 feet of roll. The path-aided ball left me with less than 100 yards to the hole. I pulled out my pitching wedge, but again topped my chip and required another just to get to the front of the green. Rather than risking a chip which could make my ball fly over the green I tried to putt through the first cut, but didn't have enough power to make it. I made the remaining 6-footer for a 5 that was probably better than I deserved.

#9 One of my favorite holes on the course, it's essentially an island green guarded by a large pool of water, though you have a little course to work with on the left hand side. My first shot went right and came up before the water, just beyond the drop area. I took out my pitching wedge and hit what was probably the best shot of my life. I've hit balls that ended up closer to the hole, but none that were this aesthetically pleasing. It was the perfect-looking chip, landed exactly where I wanted it to and rolled to within 8 feet; exactly how I expected it to. It was almost as if I knew what I was doing. Of course, I pulled the next putt and knew it the second I hit it, but still I was happy with a 4.

#10 After our foursome turned into a twosome, I had to deal with a lot of self-made hazards on this hole. My first drive hooked into the opposite fairway. I managed to drive through a tree, avoiding no less than 5 limbs, to get back to the center of #10. My third shot was short and to the right and it ended up on top of a foot-high retaining stone wall that ran alongside of the cart path. Not really sure how to choke up or get good footing on the wall I instead half swung and watched my ball weakly come off the wall and start down the path before taking a weird hop and going off the path, into the wall, off the path again, back up into the wall before hitting a strange angle and taking a 90 degree turn to the left and onto the green to within 20 feet of the cup. Let's see Tiger Woods do that one.

#13 Facing another hole guarded by two pools of water, I didn't want to lose my heavily-scuffed ball that had worked so well for me the first 12 holes of the day. So, I switched to another from my bag. It turned out to be a good decision as I lost my first ball of the day when my drive hooked into the water on the right. Retrieving my original ball from my pocket I again hit a nice chip over the water from the drop area that made it look like I knew what I was doing. I had to two-putt from 20 feet as I got the speed of the greens wrong, but I was still pretty pleased to have made it over the water only losing one Top Flite.

#15 This par 4 starts with a large valley about 20 yards past the hole and it continues uphill from there. For the second time in the round I teed the ball up too high and hit a towering shot that went no where. My second drive with a fairway wood went down into the valley, but with such force that it managed to roll all the way up to the top of the hill. My third shot with a 4-iron got me to the front of the green on the fringe. Facing a steep drop if I went over the green I decided to putt from 45 feet and came up only about 10 feet short. I lipped out the second putt attempt for a 6 that felt like more of a victory than it probably should have.

#17 My first drive down the right side set me up perfectly for a second shot. I had a solid 120 yards to the hole and I was at a great angle. Unfortunately my second attempt hooked and landed me in a bunker on the right side of the green. That was where the fun began. My first hack in the sand got my ball out... only to watch it hit some hill and roll... slowly... back... into... the... bunker. That's a helpless feeling. And, as an added bonus it barely fell into the bunker and stopped, so I had the lip of the green to deal with. My second bunker shot hit that lip and my ball went farther back into the bunker than I started with. I hit my third with everything I had and watched my ball fly out and land at the back of the green, 25 feet over the hole. I was thinking about how much I hate golf when my 25-foot putt, downhill and with 4 feet of break to it, landed perfectly into the cup for a 6. Those are the moments you know the game has it's hooks into you.

Final Score: 113
Self Analysis: I feel like I've finally figured out my putting stroke. Taking the extra time to mark the ball seems like it helps, even if it's purely psychological. The thing I need to work on now is not having those little 'hiccup' strokes, where I hit a good shot, followed by a crappy one and then hit the shot that should have been my second. I feel like there is one of those a hole and that's 18 strokes a round right there. The other big issue is that I need to just avoid sand traps all together, as I really appear to have trouble in those. But, clearly I'm getting better. My New Year's resolutions were to break 50 at Willowdale and 115 at Chemawa (I thought it was 120, but looking back I wrote 115... guess I was feeling ballsy), and I nearly pulled both of those off this week.

Return to Willowdale

2009-04-14T19:10:00.000-04:00

Willowdale Golf Course in Mansfield is actually one of my favorite places to play. It's pretty easy to get to, it's cheap and you get a good mix of only par 3's and 4's, which is nice for players who suck at golf. I came here numerous times last summer due to it's close proximity to Gillette Stadium. My New Year's resolution was to break 50 at the course, which I came close to doing last season. Greeted with a gorgeous New England Spring day, I was determined to try again.

#1 A dogleg to the left meant that I would be lucky to get on the green in two. I didn't bother with my driver, because if my range session last week was any indication, we're heading for a breakup pretty soon. Instead I used my 3 wood and actually drove past the turn and into the rough. Never expected to get that much distance, to be honest with you. I lifted my head on my attempt to reach the green and thus had to chip twice to get there. Still very content with a 20-footer for a 4, I was off on the speed of the greens and my putt came up woefully short. My second attempt didn't break nearly as much as I expected and thus was left with a tap-in two footer for a 6. At least, for anyone else it was a tap-in. I lipped it out for a very annoying 7. My quest for 50 was not starting off well.

#2 I'm still having issues with figure out what club to hit at what distance, so I essentially guessed when I went with a 5 iron for this 160 yard par 3. The distance didn't matter, however, as I topped my drive and it went weakly off to the right. My chip attempt wasn't much better as I landed near a tree below the raised green. I did, however, get a sweet chip attempt as my shot went up and over a large branch to land in the second cut at the bottom of the green. I attempted to putt from there rather than risk watching my chip fly across the green, but I didn't hit it hard enough to clear the first and second cut; thus, I was forced to putt again from 10 feet. I was off on the break and had a short putt before I could mark my 6.

#3 At essentially the same length as the hole before it, I decided to try my 5 iron again on the off chance that I would actually hit it straight this time. I got good loft and would have ended up very close to the green if my drive hadn't faded at the end and landed up just off the fairway to the right. Standing above the ball, which was on a hill, I missed making solid contact and had to chip a second time to get on the green. Left with a 20 footer for a 4 I again got the read of the green wrong and didn't get the break I expected. I lipped out a 5 footer and in my haste to just tap in didn't set my feet and so I missed the easy come-backer. I finally put in the putt for a 7 and began to wonder if anyone would have a driver/putter two-fer special.

#4 Going back to the only club I hit well I pulled out my 3 wood for this 290 yard par 4. Again I got good, not great, contact as my shot faded to the right at the end, landing just in front of the pond that straddles holes #4 and #5. My second attempt actually hooked perfectly around a tree that stood between me and the green as if I planned it. Coming up just short I chipped on to the green, but didn't get the roll I expected to the hole. Facing an uphill 20 footer for my 4, I again got the speed wrong and made it only halfway to the hole. My second putt was better, but I still missed by a foot and had to tap in for a 6.

#5 To start with, my 3 wood betrayed me. My drive shot to the right, over the pond I had just missed and settled neatly into the fairway on #4. Fortunately, no one was playing it at the time so I attempted to chip back into my own fairway, only to hit a branch and watch my ball die right next to the tree. I had no real option except to aim 90 degrees from the hole and just try and make it back into the fairway. Now, rather than take 5 seconds to relax I just swung at the ball and, of course, watched it go about 4 feet. I was getting more annoyed now and so it took me two more pitch attempts before I got good contact... which promptly got me over the green. Putting from just on the fringe and downhill for a 7 I actually had one of my better putts of the afternoon and came within a foot of the hole. I finished off the worst hole of my round with a snowman. My dream of breaking 50 seemed way off.

#6 Despite my bad drive on the last hole I stuck with my 3 wood, because it's still the most consistent contact I get. I hit a line drive down the right side of the fairway, watching it fly 3 feet off the ground for about 120 yards before it landed and started bouncing towards the green before it disappeared down a slight hill. At least it was still in the right fairway. As I started walking to where I thought my ball was going to be I couldn't find it, but noticed a ball on the green, about a foot from the cup. Trying to figure out who hit one hell of an errant shot, I approached the ball. As I got closer I could see the mark I had made on the ball. Holy shit... it was mine! I guess it just kept rolling after I stopped watching it and it continued all the way to green. So, here's all you need to know about what I think of myself as a golfer: when I hit a great shot, instead of being happy, I start to wonder who's ball that is, cause there is no way that that could be mine. Not taking any chances, I marked and re-spotted my ball (something I never do) for my one-footer. I drained it for only my second birdie ever.

#7 This is the short par 3 where I came my closest to a birdie last season. So, I had full confidence that I could get this close and follow my birdie with something low. Instead I caught my pitching wedge at an odd angle and watched the ball fly towards the sand trap. Luckily at this time of year it's not really sand yet (still a little too solid), and so my ball rolled up and out of the bunker. My chip attempt landed me on the green with 30 feet to the hole and a par. Unfortunately I thought there was going to be some more break than there was (which was none) and left myself 11 feet for my 4. Again, I decided to take a moment and realign the ball on the green. I nailed the following putt. Maybe there is something to this whole realigning thing the pros like to do.

#8 I stuck with my 3 wood since it had been working for me all day. Again, I got solid contact but not enough high as my ball stayed 3 feet off the ground most of the way down the fairway before fading to the right at the end. I was left with about 25 feet to the green. In the back of my mind I knew that the 49 I was after was back in play following the last two holes. But, I topped my chip attempt and so I needed another to get on the green. I was smart enough to take a second and take a breathe before putting but this green felt like it was still very soft and it wasn't nearly as fast as I felt it should have been. As a result I still needed 10 feet to sink a 5. Taking a moment to re-check the greens and my line... I drained it.

#9 Quick math told me I was sitting on a 45 and a 4 would get me the 49 I was after. Suddenly, I knew how Kenny Perry felt on 18 on Sunday, knowing a 4 was all he needed. My drive was weak down the right side, leaving me about 100 yards to the hole. At the worst possible time I lifted my head again and my pitch was topped. A second attempt got me on the green with 15 feet to the pin. I marked my ball and must have looked at this from a dozen different angles (hey, I was the only one on this side of the course - I had the time). My putt felt good leaving my hands... I got the break perfectly... the speed felt right... and my ball died on the lip of the cup. Mother... FUCKER. I needed the 4 and got a 5. Now I really felt like Kenny Perry at the Masters.

Final Score: 50
Self-Analysis: I'm kicking myself because a good score was out there, but my putting to start the day really killed me; it probably cost me 4 strokes. I feel like I got a handle on it by the 5th hole, but by then it was too late. I still need to work on my pitching - I feel very inconsistent with it. My opening drive was good, but after that I either got no height or it would fade to one side or another. I'm miles ahead of where I was last season, but not nearly where I want to be by the end of this one.

Fore Kicks

2009-03-31T19:30:00.000-04:00

Sunday of this week was a total washout. I had intended to go to the driving range and get some quality alone time with my driver, but instead had to settle for watching Tiger Woods announce his full return to the golf world. Not a bad trade-off, but it still left me with a golfing itch.

So when I woke up this morning to a beautiful, sun-filled and warm day I knew I would have to get out and play while the getting was good. I decided to leave the range for another day and instead head into Norfolk and check out Fore Kicks and their 9-hole facility. Fore Kicks is a learning center for youth sports, featuring indoor soccer fields and a large lazer-tag area. Because it is mostly used by kids it is a very short course, featuring nothing but par 3's and the longest hole is only 157 yards. But for adults it can be a nice place to try and work on irons, scrambling and putting, as the greens can get tricky. Not to mention, for $12, you get what you pay for. This was the exact opposite of my original plan, since I wouldn't be taking the cover off of any of my woods let alone my driver, but I'd rather play short golf than just hit the range any day.

#1 At 115 yards I had my 7 iron in my hands, but figured that would be too much club and so I went down to an 8 iron. Turns out the club didn't matter as I caught the ball at an awkward angle and watched my ball shoot off to the rough on the right. I put my 8 away and grabbed my pitching wedge with 30 feet left to the hole. A good chip shot got me onto the green with 10 feet left to the pin. Putting for par I got the break right, but the speed wrong and ended up a foot past the cup. I tapped in for a pretty satisfying 4.

#2 With the hole pretty much the same length I decided to stick with my 8 iron and this time was rewarded with solid contact. Turns out I still had too much club as my ball landed over the green in the second rough. Now, watching the Arnold Palmer Invitational this weekend I saw a play where Sean O'Hair was off the back of the green in the second cut and rather than risk chipping, took out his utility club and hit that instead. It worked out for him, so I thought I would try it. Apparently the rough in Florida is thicker than the rough in Massachusetts in March, as my ball flew out of the rough, passed the hole and across the entire green, settling on the fringe on the other side. I guess I'm still not ready for the PGA tour. This putting surface was in the shade so it hadn't had a chance to dry from all the rain from the past two days, which slowed the green. My uphill putt came up well short and my second attempt still didn't have enough speed. I lipped out a close one for a very annoying 6.

#3 I had a pretty descent wind in my face, so despite the fact that this hole wasn't even 100 yards I decided to go with a 9 iron. Now, when you tee up you shouldn't be thinking about anything but the shot you're about to hit. But, on my backswing the thought "This is way too much club" flashed in my head. The result was a trying-to-pause half-swing. So, of course my ball weekly jumped off the tee and it didn't even make the green. I put the 9 iron away and grabbed the club I should have used the entire time, my pitching wedge. My second shot landed short of the green and I needed another to get onto the green. Now, this putting surface was in the sun and thus much dryer and faster so my ball ran past the cup. I nailed the 5-footer comeback putt to save a 5.

#4 The shortest hole on the course at just under 80 yards, I kept the pitching wedge in my hands for this hole. I felt pretty good about my first drive, until it faded to the left and landed off of the green in the rough. I thought about pulling out my utility club again but since it went badly last time I stayed with the wedge. Turns out I couldn't have done worse with the utility club, as this wedge shot took a sharp left. I needed a third chip to get onto the green where I two-putted for a second straight 5.

#5 This hole was only 118 yards, but uphill, so I figured I should go one club higher than my first thoughts and pulled out a 7 iron. Judging by how much the ball took off I probably would have been well over the green if I hit a shot with any loft. Instead I fired a line drive into the hillside and the ball died right there. My pitch attempt flew up and over the green and into the back fringe. Now, despite my bad wedge shot on the last hole I decided to stick with it and was rewarded by hitting the chip of my life. My ball perfectly caught the slope of the green and ran to within in a foot of the cup. A tap in and I had saved a 4.

#6 I was determined to get at least one shot with loft today and so I set the ball high on the tee. I really should have chosen a hole where the wind wasn't blowing into my face because it killed my ball off the tee and I came up two feet short of the green. I continued my good chipping from the last hole and got the ball inside of 10 feet. Again I had a pretty good read of the break on the putt, but not the speed and my putt attempt was an inch wide of the hole for my second 4 in the row.

#7 The holes were starting to increase in length so I moved up with my clubs and came up with 6 iron for the 122 yard hole. Again, no idea how far it would have gone if I had hit a descent first shot. Instead I hit a worm burner down the center of the fairway. The goose crap actually did a nice job of slowing it down and left me 40 yards or so to the hole. I pulled a Josh and my chip landed me over the green again and I needed another just to get onto the putting surface. This was another of the soggier greens and so I ended up about four feet short on my attempt at a four. After a quick double-check of the break I had to watch my ball circle almost the full diameter of the cup before dropping in with a 5.

#8 Determined to find out just how far I would hit a 6 iron if I actually made consistent contact, I stuck with in for #8, which was just 5 yards longer. Turns out that I was pretty close to right, as I landed on the green, but 30 feet from the hole. As I walked to the green I was feeling pretty proud of myself for doing so well today... only to turn to the right and see two kids who were probably 6 or 7 years old playing the same course I was. Suddenly I remembered where I was and my ego suffered a solid body blow. This would be like bragging that you could dunk when it's on a 7 foot rim.

#9 The longest hole of the course at 157 yards and into a pretty steady wind, I went for my utility hybrid club. Again, no idea if I had the distance right as I got almost no loft and watched my ball die in the fairway. My chip attempt was successful at getting me on the green and left me with 10 feet to the hole. For the final time, I was good the break, not on the distance. My putt went past the hole and left me with 3 feet to the hole. I was in a hurry and didn't set my feet, so shouldn't have been surprised that I lipped out the putt and ended the day with a disappointing 5.

Final Score: 42
Self-Analysis: My putting was better today as I was able to read the breaks pretty consistently. Speed of the greens was my big issue. Also, I'm having trouble getting distances with my irons right, but that's due to my lack of consistent contact. Fore Kicks is a good learning center and it's the right price, but if I want to get better at harder courses, then I need to play harder courses.

Triggs Memorial (The Front 9)

2009-03-16T11:20:00.001-04:00

As the weather continues to get better here in the North East, hopefully I'll be able to update this site more often. Saturday I ventured out with my golf buddy, Josh, to try out another new course for us, Triggs Memorial in Providence.

Seeing that it is only mid-march there are some winter golf deals still around, if you can find a course that has opened for the season. With winter golf you get some bad with the good. The good is that the course isn't nearly as busy as it will be in a couple more weeks and the golf is usually cheaper. The bad is that you can't use the tee boxes yet so yardage is always a bit off and there are some areas of the course that aren't up to form yet. Just means lots of soggy parts of the fairways. Make sure you bring a clean towel, you're going to need it to clean your clubs.

Now, both Josh and I were feeling good after our round at Little Harbor so of course we decided to add a challenge for this round. Josh would attempt to play the round while pretty hung-over and I broke my glasses right after I arrived at the course so I would play with my vision messed up (They didn't snap so much as the lense over one eye kept moving. I had an awesome migraine by the 5th hole). Whatever, I love a good challenge; let's get this thing rolling.

Before we even got to the first tee, we got a lesson in life. In my everyday life, something about me makes people want to tell me their life story. But, when I'm on the golf course this phenomenon manifests itself into people wanting to give me advice. As we waited for the group ahead of us to get to the green we started chatting with an older guy who didn't seem to want to play, just talk to us.
"Have you been playing long?" he asked us. Only about a year, we replied.
"But," I added, "That works cause we both stink so it's better to play with someone close to your own skill level."
"No, it's not," he replied. "I'm a 9 handicap (show-off) but when I play with bad golfers they bring me down. Also, you need to take lessons. Change your whole perspective. I couldn't self-teach myself and neither can you." OK, good to know. We're going to go play n-. "Plus you need to realise that you're not making the PGA Tour. (ummm, I knew that immediately) Then you can just relax and have fun." Sir, we're trying, but you keep delaying our start.

#1 I was expecting to hit a descent first shot, cause that seems to be my thing this year. Instead I shot my drive right and up against a massive tree. Awesome start for me. My second got me back into the fairway, but I topped my third before I could hack my way to the green. Now, the greens at Triggs are very, very fast. They have a lot of slant to them, but because they are so fast they don't break nearly as much as you expect them to. It only took us 4 putts apiece to figure this out. Yikes - it was going to be a long afternoon.

#2 My initial drive off the tee was better as it was straight, though not high. I thought I would get another 10-15 yards of roll, but the ball hit a wet patch of the fairway and it stopped right there. Now, with six sand traps on this hole you would think I was in danger of landing in one of them but I miraculously avoided them all. I could tell that the lense of my glasses constantly shifting was giving me issues by the large divots I was ending up with. Normally I'm pretty conscious about not taking out huge divots (probably why I top so many of my shots) but today I was moving huge chunks of ground with every strike. However, depth perception problems had no part of my crappy putting.

#3 Now, this was easily the longest course that I have played since my first foray back into golf at Newton Commonwealth last summer. As a result I needed to use my driver a lot, which is a club I don't usually have to use and therefore, I suck at it. Case in point; I teed the ball up nice and high and actually got too under it resulting in a sky high drive that went at most 30 yards. It went farther up than out. It also took me a couple minutes to find the ball, which is actually impressive considering how short it went. Meanwhile Josh was crushing the ball with his hybrid. Unfortunately his issues with chipping came back to get him as he got closer to the green. I didn't make solid contact until my third shot which skipped down the fairway and nestled in front of the green. A short pitch onto the green and more fun with putting ensued. These greens were really giving us trouble.

#4 Later in the season, Triggs grows tall grass in the low-laying areas of the course in an effort to make the course even more challenging. It's not there yet so for now the low laying areas are full of water, which is where Josh's first shot landed. The water wasn't deep, but it was surrounded by a ton of mud, so Josh just decided to leave it be and let the course claim the first lost ball of the day. My first shot had good distance but hooked at the end, hit the cart path and bounced away from the green. It took me two pitches to get onto the putting surface and after a very promising drive I had to settle for a very annoying 5.

#5 A short par 4 (less than 315 yards), that hooked to the right behind some trees about 40 yards front of the temporary tee box. I decided to be bold and try to go over the trees, because the shortest distance between two objects is a straight line. The longest distance between two objects happens if you hit a tree branch and the ball takes a sharp right into the wrong fairway. This concludes our science lesson for the round. I did have a nice sand save on this hole, but that was about the only saving grace here.

#6 You know, if you don't play well with your driver, then it's probably best to avoid a course as long as Triggs. My initial drive was a shot down the right side, but it curved up and around the sand trap, so at least I got some style points. After a nice solid shot down the center of the fairway, Josh's second took a hard turn into a mass of trees at the dogleg. I felt bad for the guy... apparently bad enough that I felt the need to hit my ball into the same mass of trees. I pulled out my rescue club and it, for once, actually rescued me. I managed to slice through the clump without hitting a single tree and my ball rolled up to within 20 feet of the green. A short pitch left me with a 30 footer to the hole. Despite thinking I had a good grasp on the speeds of the greens by now, my ball came up about 6 feet short. So much for that theory.

#7 Back to our wheelhouse, a nice par 3. As we surveyed it Josh began to list the factors that go into deciding which club to use. "Uphill and into some wind," he noted.
"Yes," I added. "And you're hungover. And my left eye won't stay in focus." (I just wanted to make sure all our excuses were out in the open.) Josh's initial drive was one of the better shots he would hit all day as he landed just short of the putting surface. Mine was more to the right, but after a worm burner I found myself with a short chip. On the green at three, I was content to putt for a bogey, while Josh had a chance at par. Unfortunately, we still just couldn't get the speed of the green's right and we both ended up with 5's.

#8 Coming off the green at #7 we ran into our friend from the first tee who had jumped in with the twosome behind us (guess us telling him how much we stunk scared him off). Apparently he didn't feel like going down hill on #6 and back up on #7, so he just skipped them. In the time it took the group ahead of us to get out of our driving range (OK, fine, our 'best case scenario' driving range) the others in his group finished #7 and came to the tee box on #8. I debated letting them play through, but there was another group on their heels, so it wouldn't have really mattered. Now, other than the obvious 'lack of talent', a main reason I don't think I would play well on the PGA Tour is the amount of people who watch you play. Under the watchful eye of these three I hit a pathetic tee shot down the right side of the fairway and my rescue club landed me in the sand. At least they weren't yelling tips at me from the tee box.

#9 Of course, because we had some time before the group caught up to us again, I crushed my best drive of the day; high and right down the middle of the fairway. I topped my second attempt, though, just to erase any good feelings I had built up. Josh, meanwhile, had shot over to the right, next to the same tree I was up against on #1. His second was impeded by hitting a good amount of roots, so it took him a third to get past me. We finally reached the green with hopes of salvaging the final hole of the day, but the greens continued to give us trouble. Short putts didn't break at all or ended up well passed the cup, and we were just happy to have survived the front 9.

Self Analysis
Bottom line, this course was just too long for my skill level at this time. I don't use my driver enough at the courses I usually play and therefore I'm not good with it, which makes a course with this many long par 4's more trouble than it's worth. Of course, I'm not going to get any better with my driver unless I play more of these longer courses, so it's a bit of the "chicken and the egg" syndrome. I need to put in some range time with my driver, but until I do I should stick to courses that are mostly 3's and 4's and not made up of more 4's and 5's.

Little Harbor, Take 2

2009-02-28T11:53:00.006-05:00

After telling Josh about my golfing excursion a week or so ago, he was looking to the next time I was heading to Wareham so he could play his first round of the season at Little Harbor. We had originally planned to check out Fore Kicks in Foxboro to give their indoor driving ranges a try, but we were instead greeted with a sunny, 60 degree Friday in February. The ranges would have to wait, we were heading to Wareham.

We decided to try a new tactic and have a couple beers before we left. The way we play, it couldn't really hurt. We got to Little Harbor around 2:30 and found that in the winter that counts as twilight golf, so instead of the $9 I paid last week, we would be spending $7 for 9 holes. That's a friggin deal and half.

There were more people on the course than expected, which was a nice surprise. Guess having all the holes open and none closed due to excessive ice helps. Since I had played the back nine last week, we decided to start on the front 9 this time around.

#1 This was the only hole that I would be repeating. I learned my lesson coming up short with my pitching wedge last time and decided to go with a 9 iron. As it was last time, my first shot was the best I would hit all day, as it landed firmly on the green. Josh got even more distance and managed to find himself on the back of the green. After Josh putted close I lined up my putt. The greens were much softer and slower than last time, so I ended up having to put more power behind the putt. It was between 15-20 feet (I say 20, Josh says 15 - we'll split the difference at 17 feet). It had the slightest break before hitting the back of the cup and dropping in for my first birdie in.... ever. I showed off all of my 4 inch vertical jump and there was much excitement. Josh then finished off with a two-putt for a 5. We were off to a good start.

#2 After making our way across the road and through some sloshy parts of the cart path, we teed up on #2. My first shot landed to the right of the green on the cart path. Josh's went left behind a tree. On our second shots, I caught more path than ball and Josh couldn't chip over the tree. So much for that good start. Both of our second chip shots landed on the green, where we showed just how far our putting really hasn't come. Also, the cup was full of water. Welcome to winter golf in New England. I ended with a 5, Josh a 7.

#3 Josh's first shot put him again off to the left, but his chip attempt found the edge of a sand bunker. I returned to mid-season form, topping my drive weakly down the center. My second chip attempt managed to land me in the first fringe and I was content to putt from there. Waiting just off the green and to Josh's right, imagine my surprise when his ball shot 90 degrees to the right and smacked right into my bag. I kind of wish it hadn't been there, as I would have been amused to see where it ended up. Then again, if my bag hadn't been there it would have connected with my thigh, which probably wouldn't have been that funny (at least not to me). With the nice save from my golf bag Josh won his first hole of the day with a 6 to my 7.

#4 This hole reminded me of why it's best to play with someone of a similar skill level, as Josh and I landed our tee shots within 5 feet of each other. The green was a slope going downhill from left to right, but not steep enough for Josh to get the roll he was looking for as his chip landed at the top of the green. My chip skipped over the green and stopped just short of the cart path. I was getting very familiar with these paths. Two topped chip shots later got me back on the green. Meanwhile Josh had three putted for a 5, while I was looking at a downhill 10 footer to the cup. Expecting the greens to play slower, despite the incline I didn't give it much of a tap. I unexpectedly nailed it to save my 5.

#5 Josh brought out his go-to club for intermediate holes, his hybrid. I decided to go with my 3 wood. We were both rewarded for our choices as I got solid contact (if not height) and the ball ended up rolling within 30 feet of the green. After topping his drive, Josh bombed his second shot, which landed just short of the putting surface, but rolled up and over the green. Josh then tried chipping, which would be the weaker aspect of this game. He seems to get too much into them and thus goes up and over the cup. He then had to chip back onto the green while I only had to putt. Or, more accurately, two-putt. I recorded a 5 to his 7. This match was a barn burner.

Now, I would like to take a moment to pause here and talk about course etiquette:
As we were getting ready to tee off on #5, we could see that both players in the group behind us had reached the green in 1 on #4. Clearly, they were much better than us, so when we got to #6 we paused and offered to let them play through. They were grateful and both teed off with solid drives. As they were approaching the green another golfer came off of #5 alone. He came up to us and asked "Letting people play through?" in a tone that made it seem more a request, not a question. Now, I'm more than happy to let you play through if you're faster than us, but you really should wait until we offer it to you, don't expect it. Despite the tone, we figured he was by himself and would be quick, so we let him play through.

Now, if someone is nice enough to let you play through, you really shouldn't do what this guy did next. His first tee shot barely made it too the ladies tees (been there, buddy). He took out another ball and tee'd up a second shot, which traveled down the right side. Not great, but better. We assumed he would simply go and play the better shot. What he did instead was play both balls down the fairway (and badly). Josh and I stood there, incredulous. We just kept repeating back and forth to each other: "Wow, he's terrible" and "Is he really playing two balls?" The moral of this rant is, if you're crappy; don't demand to line jump and you shouldn't be playing two balls anyways.

#6 This hole was a cluster of bad drives, worse chipping and crappy putting. I don't even want to recap how bad we both were on this par 4's, except to mention that we both hit ricocheting tee shot off trees with our initial drives. Mine landed back in the fairway, close to the ladies' tee. Josh's almost came all the way back to him. That was the highlight of #6. I blame the extended pause.

#7 With that excuse used up I choose to blame the weather for my bad play on #7. When we started it was sunny out, but windy. By the time we reached this hole the sun had disappeared and the wind had picked up even more. I was colder today, when the thermometer read 55, than last time I played, when it was 38. This dogleg right was a pain in my ass. We continued our trend of Josh going left while I went right. This green was guarded by four large mounds, one on each corner. It took multiple chip shots for either of us to get onto the green where Josh salvaged a 6 and I ended up with a 7. My birdie on the opening hole was a distant memory.

#8 Back to a short par 3, which meant we could both go back to using irons; clubs we're both much better with. Josh's opening shot went right for a change, while I topped my shot down the middle, but got a decent roll in the fairway. Josh chipped over the green, but I was able to get on the green in one, giving me a chance for a par (a birdie and par in one round would have to be considered the round of my life). Josh had two long putts to come in with a 6. My par putt went right and past the pin. I would have been content with a four, only I lipped out the next putt... and the two footer (proving again that, when it comes to me, there is no such thing as a gimmie) for a very frustrating 6.

#9 The final hole was another par 3. We reversed roles for this hole, as my shot went down the left side and Josh's went right. I was standing with the bunker between me and the hole, while Josh was slightly farther from the pin, but had the better lie. Josh chipped over the green, while I was thinking too much about avoiding the bunker and came up short. Both of our second chip attempts landed us with long putts. Still having a tough time getting the speeds correct we both lipped out short putts and finished with a pair of 6's.

Final Scores:
Me: 50
Josh: 55

Self Analysis:
Other than my birdie on 1, I would say I only played marginally better than last time. I did manage to use the same golf ball and tee for the entire round, but I'll retire that ball now because of my first birdie. My putting is still solid, my iron play sporadic and my wood play continues to be my biggest area that needs work. As for Josh, for the first round of the season, I think he did well. I would say that short chip shots are the biggest thing he needs to work on. But, despite the miss hits yesterday, I think either of us would say that we're much better to start this season than we were at this time last year.

Little Harbor, Take 1

2009-02-18T17:28:00.009-05:00

It was 38 degrees outside today with two inches of snow expected to fall overnight before changing to rain and getting pretty messy. Therefore, I could think of no better way to spend the day than going out for the first round of the season.

My brother recently got me the New England Golf Guide and while flipping through it I found out that Wareham's golf course, Little Harbor, is open year-round. My family has a summer place down in Wareham and I had intended to give the place a try later in the season. But, since I was working through a case of spring fever and was going to be down that area checking on the cottage anyhow, now seemed as good a time as any.

Little Harbor is a short course, featuring mostly pars 3s and two par 4s. Considering the time of year, it's in very good shape. The fairways are very well maintained, though the fringes were soggy due to all the melting snow we've had the last couple of days. Since I do most of my work on the fringes, I was glad I opted for the pull cart versus laying my bag on the ground between shots.

I under-armoured myself up, arrived and paid the special winter prices: $9 for 9 holes. The guy behind the counter informed me that there were only two other groups out on the course right now; two groups of three had just started. "So," he said, "I would start on 10. You can't play 11 because of too much ice. You can play 12 and then if you're ahead of the other groups you can play 4 and go from there. Front nine has a couple par 4s, the back is all 3s. Or, you can do whatever. Just play 9 holes and come back." Clearly the course etiquette is a little looser for winter golf. I'm already a fan of this place.

I decided to start on the back nine so that I could have some privacy, and I got it. I had the place virtually to myself for my round. Playing golf alone allows you to concentrate more on each shot - fewer distractions. Not to mention, you can see what it would feel like if you were rich enough to have your own course. Besides, I prefer to keep my audience to a minimum when I'm playing golf. You can keep your bad shots to yourself (until you write about them in a blog). The flipside is that no one is there to see your good shots. That wouldn't be much of a problem today.

#10 I attempted to get my tee in the ground, only to find it frozen after the first half-inch. This turns out to be a blessing in disguise because it allowed me to set the ball nice and high and get even more air into my drive. I connected for about 150 yards before it hooked and landed 50 feet from the pin, just off the green. As it would turn out, this would be the best shot I would hit all day. I should have quit while I was ahead. I topped my chip attempt (twice) and then three-putted for a 6.

#12 After skipping #11 due to the excessive ice on the fairway (editor's note: when the guy told me this in the clubhouse it didn't even phase me - I guess that makes me a "real" golfer now), I arrived on #12 to find it has a small stream running alongside on the right. Thinking too much about avoiding the water, I end up weakly dribbling my drive down the left. I debated teeing off again, since there was no one behind me, but instead I walked the 20 yards to where my ball landed and swung away.... only to watch my ball head across the fairway towards the hazard. It landed in the stream with a mighty splash, but on closer inspection it was only in about an inch of water. I fished it out and rebounded nicely, despite the penalty.

#13 There is an old adage that the first round of a golfer's season can be the best, because you've built up a reserve of good shots over the winter. That adage is bullshit. I topped my drive, my second shot, my chip attempt and then two-putted.

#14 At Little Harbor, the tee boxes for #5 and #14 happen to be next to one another. I arrived at #14 at the same time that one of the threesomes made up of the six other people crazy enough to golf in Massachusetts in February arrived at #5. Now, it's a little know fact that golfers passing on the course have to talk to each other, but are only allowed to speak in golf cliches. So we had the following conversation:

Me: Afternoon, gentlemen.
Guy #1: How's you're round going?
Guy #2: Leaving us any birdies for the back 9?
Me: Oh, more than I would like too, unfortunately.
Guy #3: That's alright. Early in the season.
Guy #1: Besides it's just nice being out.
Guy #3: A bad day golfing is better than a good day at work, right?
Me: True enough. Enjoy your round.

#15 This is a short (100 yard) downhill par three. I decided to play the pitching wedge, since I can usually get solid contact with it. For some reason I seem to hit every club the same distance; as a result, club selection is one of the weaker aspects of my game (falling just behind "actually playing." The solid parts of my game? Buying the first round and cart driving). This time, of course, I got too much loft with the club and came up short of the green, which was protected by three small bunkers. I figured it was just a matter of deciding which bunker I would be playing out of next. Miraculously I got over them and had a 20 footer for par. I had a hard time getting a read on the greens because some were colder and thus, faster, but this wasn't one of them - came up 2 feet short for a 4. As I was replacing the flag a large hawk, with the tail of something small and fuzzy hanging out of its mouth, buzzed my head. At least I'm having a better day than whatever this hawk was eating for lunch.

#16 After topping my drive for the.... every... consecutive hole, my luck from #15 ran out and on my second shot I landed in the bunker with a thud. The sand was a firm mud texture and so the ball didn't sink in. I wanted to hit the sand behind the ball and get some solid loft, but instead got direct contact for one of the few times in the day and watched my ball zoom out of the bunker, over the green and onto a service road. Definitely out of bounds, but I could see it and figured that I could still play it. After raking out the bunker, I approached to see a lady standing over my ball like a chicken over an egg. "Is this your ball?" she asked. "I just don't want my kids riding over it with their bikes." I'm not sure if her concern is for my ball placement or her kids' safety (how much damage could a golf ball do?) but I quickly fired my next shot back across the service road. Upon getting up on the green, I was confronted with a dilemma. My ball had landed 4 feet from an old pin that had not been filled in and 35 feet from the cup that had the flag in it. I could tap in for a short putt on what has already been a pretty bad hole, or go for the pin with the flag, which would be at least a two putt. Well, blame my parents for making me be a cub scout, but I went for the pin that had the flag... and three putted.

#17 This hole started off confusing, because the flag read #11. I guess this was what was supposed to be used instead of the iced-over fairway of the actual #11. Not that this was much better, as the tee box was a sheet of ice. I managed to find an area that I could get solid footing in, swung away... and have no idea what happened to my tee. I reached down to get it and it was gone - no trace. I mention this only because I was trying to get through the round with the same tee and ball. No such luck. This hole also featured two pins and again I went for the farther cup that featured the flag. At least on this hole I was rewarded by rolling a 30 foot putt to within a foot of the cup.

#18 Very good-looking hole with the clubhouse directly ahead of you. But, it also has a large wooded section on the right that my ball went screaming towards off the tee. I really think that my ball was trying to escape me at this point. As it hooked behind a clump of bushes, I was convinced I had see it for the last time. Miraculously, I found the ball (and about 4 others in the surrounding brush) and had a pretty descent lie to the green. All I had to do was not hit some branches about ten feet away and 15 feet up. Now, I couldn't hit these branches if I was aiming for them... so, of course, I connected perfectly with the thinnest one and my ball dropped like a stone.

#1 I had one hole to make up for skipping #11 and decided to go with the closest one, which also happened to be the shortest. My first shot was short, but I benefited from a nice roll on the fairway. As a result I had a short chip onto the green and was left with a 15 footer for par. Again, reading the speed of the greens was an issue and I came up three feet short. But, I sank that one for only my second 4 of the day.

Final Score: 54.
Self Analysis: I'm still topping all of my shots. If I could get solid contact I would probably have chopped 2 strokes off per hole. My putting is good, not great and my wood play needs some work. In other words - I'm in mid-season form.

No Thanks, But I'll Keep the Free Stuff

2009-01-13T10:37:00.001-05:00

Haven't updated in a while, mostly because this is a blog about my attempt to become a better golfer and as it's winter in New England (go ahead, start singing if you must) I haven't had a chance to go golfing for a while now.

I did get some fun new golf toys over Christmas, including a practice putting green that I'm sure will make me a much better mini-golfer and a chipping net which I will use when it finally gets warmer and I've got some room to work. I also got six sleeves of Ram FX Soft golfballs, which I look forward to losing one by one.

But, before I can get back out on the links, I was getting the mail the other day and I recieved a very official looking letter from the USGA (United States Golf Association). They were letting me know that for the low, low price of $10 I could be a member. Now, to paraphrase Groucho Marx, I'm hesitant to join any club that would have me as a member. But, as further enticement I was given a free USGA sticker, notepad and the promise of a U.S. Open hat if I signed up.

What do you get for $10, you ask? A sample of some of the goodies:
The latest copy of "The Rules of Golf" This will come in handy to figure out just how many of them I break on average during a round.
Members' E-Newsletter with exclusive golf articles and more So, I'm paying to get put on a mailing list?
Volunteer Opportunites at USGA Championship Paying for the right to volunteer. There is something very wrong with that.

Also included are travel deals, discounts in the USGA Merchandise catalog and a bag tag, as if anyone would ever want to walk off with my clubs. You also get a membership card. I'm a sucker for a membership card.

Were I a better golfer then this is something that I would consider. But, given my short fuse when I repeatedly stink at something, there is a good chance that I'll have given up golf three or four times by August. Then I'm just out the $10. In the meantime I think that money would be better spent on lessons.

Did anyone actually believe Tiger Woods drove a Buick?

2008-11-24T14:17:00.003-05:00

Well, even if he did, he probably doesn't anymore. The car company announced that, effective at the end of the year, Eldrick was no longer going to be pitching cars for them; his seven million dollar-a-year deal was not being renewed. The car maker said talks had begun months ago and that it was a mutual decision between the company, who is looking to cut costs, and Woods, who is looking to spend more time with his family.

The fact that even guys like Tiger Woods are being laid off is just a sign of how bad times have gotten. Woods is a fantastic pitchman: he's young and cool enough to bring in the key 18-35 year-old demographic, but respectful, classy and talented enough to appeal to the 35+ groups where all the money lies.

This is just the latest in a series of signs that the slowing economy is starting to trickle it's way into the sports world. Just last week the LPGA announced that it was going to be scaling back in both the number of tournaments and the purse ammounts for the ones that remained.

I would just like to let Buick know, I am available for much cheaper.

J.P. Hayes Is Better Than Me

2008-11-21T12:45:00.003-05:00

And I don't mean that just as a golfer (I figure that part goes without saying).

Last week, J.P. was playing in the second stage of Q-School when his caddy handed him a ball from his bag and he hit his first shot. Upon marking the ball on the green, he noticed that it was not the same ball he had played the last hole with. This is a violation of the one-ball rule, which essentially says you play with the same type of ball until you lose it or the round ends. As the rules of golf state, Hayes enforced a two stroke penalty on himself and continued the round. He finished with a 74 for the round; no harm, no foul. He played even better the next day, shooting a 71, which was good enough to advance to the final stage of Q-School. Only Hayes had a problem. He couldn't figure out why he had noticed the ball was different in the first place. So, he went back through his bag and found the culprit: a prototype for a new Titleist that he had been given weeks before that he had mistakenly left in the bag. A prototype that was not approved for PGA Tour use. Hayes called an official, got himself disqualified and cost himself a full ride on next year's PGA Tour.

Golf is a self-policing sport. There are no refs following you around making sure that everything you do is legal. It's up to you to call fouls on yourself when you mess up. That's fine when you and your buddies are messing around on the links and all that is at stake is bragging rights and finding out who's picking up the first round. But when you're staring down the prospect of earning hundreds of thousands of dollars a year and traveling around to some of the best courses in the world, it's another story entirely. Hayes could have simply kept this to himself, played on and no one would be any the wiser. But he didn't.

Now, Hayes is 43, a two-time PGA Tour winner and has made some money in his time, so he won't be completely screwed here. He'll get into a few tournaments based on those past wins and may even get a couple more sponsor exemptions based on people picking up the story. The honesty he showed is commendable, especially considering that most people probably would have kept it to themselves.

But, if you take no other morals from this story, remember this one: don't take free shit from Titleist.

Dream Foursome

2008-10-23T20:40:00.007-04:00

Between last week’s Shriner’s Hospital for Children Open hosted by Justin Timberlake and Golf Digest releasing it’s ranking of the Top 100 golfing musicians, it seems that celebrities and golf are mixing more than ever. With that in mind I began to go look over the rankings of not only the musicians but also athletes from other sports and actors to come up with who would be in my dream foursome, should I win some sort of lottery.

Picking the people in a foursome is a delicate balancing act. One of the key factors is your own skill level. You really shouldn’t veer to far from your own level when picking a grouping. For example, I stink. So, one of my favorite people to play golf with is my buddy Josh, who also stinks. No one with a low handicap wants to waste an afternoon either trying to coach a crappy foursome partner or constantly waiting while they hack their way down the fairway. Conversely, nothing is less fun if you carry a high handicap than golfing with people who are solid golfers. While you are just trying to survive the 18 holes, they spend their time glancing at their watches, sighing heavily and condescendingly offering ‘tips’. “Try and keep your head down,” they’ll say. Thanks, I’ve never heard that one before, it’s tremendously helpful. Look, unless you’re friends with Tiger Woods, no one wants golf tips from anyone else in their foursome.

With that in mind, I’m not even looking at the top half of this list. Forget guys like Rick Rhoden (+2.5), who are probably more famous now as staples on the pro-am circuit than they were as ballplayers. Since I’m carrying a handicap in the 30’s right now (and that’s with fuzzy math – the truth is probably worse), I don’t want anyone in the low teens. This hurt because it caused me to cut some of my heroes right away. Boston legends like Bill Russell (12) and John Havlicek (11.2) were close enough that I considered them while others like Larry Bird (3.1) weren’t an option at all. Other guys who seem like they would be cool about the whole “man-this-guy-is-awful” thing, like Hootie and the Blowfish frontman Darius Rucker (9.3), were also considered but ultimately I passed.

Now, some of these handicaps could be out and out lies and others leave you scratching your head (Roger Clemens with a 4.6? Is that pre or post steroids?); after all, bullshitting is one of the more subtle nuances of golf. But, even if they are the imaginings of some PR assistant we’ll take them at face value for the purpose of this article.

Player 1: Shakira (handicap = 40).
She’s currently carrying such a high handicap because she’s new to the game, so I need to strike before she gets any good. This is perfect as I can pretend to know what I’m doing when she’s around. Like I said, some of the numbers could just be made up, so it’s possible she’s even worse than she’s letting on. Plus, when I top one of my drives and it pathetically trickles down to the ladies tees, she’ll already be there to keep me company. Look at that picture, who cares how she plays? She’s in my cart.

Player 2: Joe Montana (handicap = 22.1).
Also doesn’t get out to the links much, due to the pounding he used to take in the NFL. But, I’m more interested in seeing if he’ll sign some Notre Dame memorabilia for me or at least get me some sideline passes (look, this whole scenario is just in my head anyways, I might as well try and take advantage). Plus, he just seems like a cool dude who wouldn’t cock-block me with Shakira. This is why I didn’t choose Derek Jeter and his 30 handicap.

Player 3: Will Ferrell (handicap = 36+).
I’m not sure this pick even needs to be explained, but I’ll do it anyways. I’m a fan of anyone who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and Ferrell strikes me as the type of person who would be fun to play alongside whether he’s kicking your ass or taking a 13 on a single hole.

First Alternate: Tedy Bruschi (handicap = 15.2).
He’s pushing it, because he’s probably too good for this grouping. But, he’s an icon in Boston and seems like a guy who wouldn’t rub it in everyone’s face when he birdies a hole while everyone else scrambles for a triple-bogey.

Second Alternate: Matt Damon (handicap = 30).
A tough call over a guy like Kevin James (17.9), who I find to be pretty funny (not counting I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry). But, when you factor in that he’s a Boston boy and had made some of the best movies of the past 10 years, you’ve got to go with Damon. The stories from the sets of the Ocean movies alone would make this a solid pick.

Third Alternate: Brandi Chastain (handicap = 18).
Just for the off-chance that she makes a birdie and rips off her shirt in a moment of joy. I’m easy to please that way.

Oh, and my dream caddy? Tiger Woods, I hear it’s his new thing.

Golf Yoga

2008-10-16T16:20:00.003-04:00

I’ve discovered that in the pursuit of a better golf swing, you tend to be open to all sorts of ideas: video, special clubs, Jedi mind tricks… all of it seems like a good idea if you can ensure a drive over 300 yards. If you search the On-Demand feature of your cable provider you can get various tips and I check them out once a week or so. Most of the time they're generic tips about keeping your elbow straight or your head down, but you get the occasional helpful hint.

The other day I was watching a feature on the golf channel about how many of the young players (Sergio, Villegas, and AK just to name a couple) on the PGA Tour have taken up yoga as a way to add flexibility and thus, power to their swings. And today I found “Yoga for Golfers” On-Demand so, in a moment of weakness, I gave it a whirl. Overall, it was nothing too profound, even if I did feel like an idiot trying this in my room. Mostly, it just felt like stretching before a workout, only with no workout coming after. I came away with three things stuck in my head:

1. I’m not very flexible, especially my ankles. In one position, called “Downward Facing Dog” (not as much fun as it sounds); you basically form two sides of a triangle with the floor as the third side. While doing this, you’re supposed to have your feet flat to the floor. Well, mine don’t even come close. I hardly think my ankles are the reason my drives get no lift, but at least I've got another excuse at my disposal.

2. Yoga instructors are creepy people. I don’t know if it’s for effect or supposed to be calming but the near-whisper bothers the hell out of me. Also, the constant half-smile is more un-nerving than anything else. Makes me think that at any point the instructor is going to lose it and say something along the lines of: “Alright, deep, cleansing breaths. There, feel better? I know I did after I killed that guy.”

3. Everything in Yoga has to have a name to it. For example: stand straight up, shoulders back, puff your chest out, legs together, arms at your side. What would you call that? Standing at attention, right? No, my friends, that’s the “Mountain Pose.” Now, sit down, space your legs shoulder length apart, place your elbows on your legs, just above the knee, bring your hands in front of your face, palms facing in and lean your face forward, until your forehead is resting in your palms. That pose is called the “I can’t believe I tried this shit.”

I think I may have the wrong mindset for Yoga. It’s supposed to be a relaxing way to burn calories and add flexibility, but when I workout I’m more the ‘get riled up and lift heavy things, before going to lift different heavy things’ mentality. It’s a very ‘what are we doing next’ kind of pace, which is not how Yoga rolls. That being said, I could use all the help I can get. So, I’m going to try it a couple time and head to the driving range. If my drive improves I may just invest in a yoga mat - probably cheaper than specialty clubs anyway.